A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a female and this is about my boyfriend. I am 19 years old so over legal age. His my first b/f and we been seeing each other for 5 months. He's gone down on me and we have had sex but I'm so nervous about going down on him! In my head I think, "I do it today" but then chicken out. I gave him a HJ once but he didn't come so I think it made the whole oral thing worse for me. He hasn't pushed me at all or brought it up which is kind but in a way I wish he would say something so I could just get over my nerves. How do I get over it? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): Uhmmm. Tell him your nevervous and he'll take his time with you .If you don't he'll end up leaving you and so will other men that come along. Men love BJs....and they can't live without it :)
A
female
reader, trigger18 +, writes (22 June 2010):
i completely understand how u feel hunny... i was completely afraid to even touch a penis when i met my bf but over time i gradually grew more confident.
one thing that majorly helped me was having the duvet completely over me so my bf cudnt see what i was doing. this made me feel so much more confident because i didnt feel i was being watched or pressured. i agree with chigirl tho. you dont have to jump straight from one hand job to a blowjob. practise the handjobs. look at techniques online with lube and stuff. experiment. and then when you feel confident enough move onto blowjobs. there are tips out there for that too but you need to ask what your bf prefers and ask him to tell you what he likes.
if its something like deep throat then only move onto that when your comfortable too and if u need to hide under the duvet then do it. or ask your boyfriend to put a pillow on his head. (a little note on the deepthroat not all women can do it so dont feel pressured by ur partner if you cant) it took me at least nine to maybe ten months to get over my gag reflex but like i said some women are better at it than others.
theres nothing really to be afraid of in giving blowjobs but i do understnad why u feel the way u do. its no problem at all if u are not happy giving blowjobs but like chigirl said some men may take offence if you dont and will become upset but there are other things than blowjobs to pleasure a man.
good luck with learning to get over ur fear and trust me when you get the hang of it, its not that bad. xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): It depends on what it is that's making you nervous. I'm going to take a stab and assume that you're a bit nervous because you don't exactly know what to do/are worried about it being 'good'. I can see where you're coming from - actually I was your age when I gave my first blowjob (I'm 21 now) and I felt REALLY inexperienced. Before then, I'd always been a bit turned off by the idea and couldn't imagine myself ever doing it, but then curiosity took over, and eventually I found myself turned on by the idea. Just one of life's little mysteries, I suppose
The best advice I can give you is not do it until you WANT to... I can pretty much guarantee that you boyfriend's mind will be blown by the fact that you're excited to go down on him, and that will give you a bit of an edge to explore a little and find your rhythm. I think that this is the main factor that made my first experience fun for both parties.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 I tried to look it up, you mean a handjob? And you only gave him that once? And it made you more scared? Before you move on to blowjobs you should practice the handjob and get comfortable with it. Blowjobs are a step up, and if you don't feel comfortable with giving a handjob I think it is less likely for you to feel comfortable giving a blowjob. You need to grow confidence in what you are doing. Then you will not be afraid. Leran how to give a good HJ first, then move on to blowjobs when you are ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 June 2010):
Can you please tell me what a HJ is first?
As to how to get over your fear of giving a blowjob, it really helps if you understand your own fears. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid you will do something wrong and potentially harm him? Or that you will fail and he will make fun of you for it? Are you nervous because you just don't know how to do it?
Are you afraid of how his sperm will taste? Do you even want to swallow? Many women will not swallow because of the taste, so that is not something you absolutely have to do when it comes to blowjobs. Do you think he smells bad down there? Are you afraid you will gag? Have you gotten gagging reflexes while doing other things (like brushing your teeth)? Is he just to large and your mouth is not big enough?
What exactly is the issue? I will take a guess though and say you are afraid because you have never done it before. You don't know what to do, how to please him, or what to expect. The easiest thing is therefor to stay in your comfort zone and not give it a try. You are afraid you will fail. The best advice in that case is... just do it. You can stay scared forever or just do it. If you have done it a few times and figured out you didn't enjoy it, you've given it a fair try. You don't have to continue doing it if you don't like it, but you need to talk to your boyfriend about this. Him not getting oral in return can make him feel unloved, unappreciated, and taken for granted. He might feel you are being unfair since he goes down on you, and that he gives while you just take. Taking and not giving back is unfair, and creates an imbalance in the relationship that will harm the relationship. Which is why you need to talk to him about this in the case that you will not perform oral on him.
And, when you do decide to give this a try: read up about blowjobs. Many magazines write articles about how to do it, tricks and movements. There are probably articles online for you to read as well, just to learn the basics. The best thing to remember though: treat it like a lollipop and listen to his moans. If he moans and sounds like he enjoys it, you are doing the right thing. If he is silent, try a different move and make him moan again.
Tell him to give you a warning before he comes so you can decide whether or not you wish to swallow. If you don't want to swallow pull your head away and continue with your hand instead.
...............................
|
