A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am seriously worried about my friend.So here goes the story... me and my three best friends Well call them A,B and C. So A is older than me by 3 months and lost her virginity many years ago but that was before we were friends so we dont know much about that.. Age wise im next in line and then theres B who happens to be As younger sister by about a year and a half she had lost her virginity over a year ago to this boy she was texting even though she already had a boyfriend that she never slept with ... after this we lost some of our respect for her... mainly because she cheated on this boy who absolutely worshiped her. I was next out of the four of us to lose our virginity, which i did with my boyfriend of 5 months and I am in Love with, this only happened a few weeks ago.C is my bestest friend ever weve been best friends for 12 years now and I tell her everything, I told her after it had happened and nothing much was said about it.I think she was upset because she was the only virgin left.Anyways her and A went to a party last weekend and they stayed over night there and she rang me up the next morning telling me about the party and she said to me "I made a BooBoo" then she told me that she had slept with TWO strangers at that party... I was so shocked by her actions especially when it was her first time.Then she said too me "Awh Were all non virgins now, its great", she did not even tell this man that it would be her first time.So my question is did she give her virginity to this stranger because she was the last of us all to lose it? Was she jealous? because I really didnt know what to say I tried not to judge.
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female
reader, msvee  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 It was not exactly safe behavior and there may be cause for concern but it sounds like she's happy about it so just let her be. Maybe she's been wanting to have sex and being the last virgin left only added more fuel to the fire. Just watch out in the future because it sounds like she might be doing it a lot more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): Honestly, Who cares? Virginity is not a big deal, it happens to most people and it happens in lots of different ways and for many different reasons.
This notion that the way to lose your virginity is in a loving committed relationship is a load of crap because it's generally accepted as the 'right' way to lose it.
As your own question also shows most people don't lose it that way, you are actually in the minority in this. I know very few people that lost it in the 'acceptable' long term relationship way. I lost mine in a drunk one night stand to a friend, I have friends that lost it the same way, or cheated, or hired prostitutes, pressured into it, experimentation, etc. the list goes on.
I lost my virginity in a way that people would see as a mistake, it was unintentional and was done in the heat of a drunken moment. Do I regret it or feel it was a mistake, not in the slightest. Nobody got hurt and nothing bad happened. I more regret the fact that the very first pizza I ever had when I was 5 years old had mushrooms on it, ugh.
Personally I think the whole idea of virginity is an outdated concept based on the historical subjugation of women, where women were property of men and had to remain 'pure' until sold by their father to their husband, but that's a discussion for another day.
My point is don't try not to judge, just don't judge. She's your friend, did she hurt you in anyway by doing this? Did she hurt herself in anyway by doing this? If no, then just forget it and remember everyone has a story about their first time, it might not always fit into your mold of how it should have been but it makes no difference to anything. It's just sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): Its hard feeling left out and perhaps left behind - i lost my virginity to a stranger for those reasons and because i wasn't in the best place in life. It is not really an excuse, my actions were my actions and though i may not be proud ... i stand by my decision, its one of the things that made me who i am today. Try not to judge your friend, she has her own reasons for doing what she did and she may like me come down with a hard bump after realising eventually how stupid and foolish she was. Just be her friend and be there for her should she need you - i would also keep what you know to yourself, you wouldn't want to ruin her reputation over a silly incident of one night. Maybe she did feel left out but please don't judge her or blame her for what she has done, just be there for her and hopefully perhaps this will be a one time only thing and the next time she engages in sexual activity, it will be with someone she loves or atleast knows. Be there for her is my advice and try not to over analyse - we can all be daft without reason in life sometimes, its the aftermath of our actions that counts me thinks.
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A
male
reader, Iroh  +, writes (10 July 2010):
I think she wanted a freer life. Maybe she wanted not to step back and be as you. Maybe she was just jealous. But I wouldn't judge her for this. It is her choice. So just think as she gave it to her boyfriend then they broke up or like that.
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