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Why did he unmatch me after hooking up?

Tagged as: Sex, Social Media<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 March 2019) 9 Answers - (Newest, 24 March 2019)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I hooked up with this guy from Tinder the other night but we didn't have sex because I was on my period. That didn't seem to bother him but I was uncomfortable with it and gave him oral instead. I told him next time we will go all the way and he said he would love that. Then the next day, I accidentally ran into him on the street. He was by himself and so was I so I decided to walk up to him and say hello. He acted all weird and uncomfortable and was really short with me so I took the hint and left him alone. He then unmatched me and I haven't heard from him since. Why is he being so cold? I am not the clingy type and he knows that. I wasn't looking to date this guy but I wanted to hook up again and have some great sex. And I know I can probably find another guy to do that with but I am really picky and was very attracted to this guy in particular

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2019):

Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free.You were used.Why you would give a guy oral on the first date blows my mind.Get tested for std and pray you do not have hiv. Next time get to know someone for a while first before you let them do intimate things to you or vice versa.Before you do intimate things both you and your partner get tested first.Always use a condom.Be on birth control.Go to your doctor and get educated about safe sex and std.Do not be in such a rush to have sex on the first date.Get to know someone first before letting them in your pants.Have respect for yourself.You know you are better than this.Have standards.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (21 March 2019):

chigirl agony auntNot all people are that mature and comfortable with their own sexuality. My guess is he was embarrassed because youve seen him naked and now he doesnt know how to act or what to do. So he freaks out and runs and hides. Never mind him. He wasnt mature enough to handle casual sex. It isnt for everyone, even though guys like to brag about it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2019):

You might not be clingy, but you're naive if you don't understand the rules of the game when it comes to hookups on Tinder. He has a multitude of options, and a variety of choices among females. He got what he wanted from you; but he wasn't looking for somebody who would walk-up to him on the street. That's usually an opportunity for some dates to go psycho! He might even have had a girlfriend shopping nearby!

If you want random-hookups, expect to be treated like this. Rarely will you come across a guy who will treat you respectfully if he can get what he wants so easily. They're on Tinder; because they want a date or two, casual-sex on the first-date, with no strings attached. They don't want a second-date in most cases; because they aren't in it for repeats, they want random variety. They want to forget your face, and you to forget theirs!

You were good for a quickie or oral-sex Now you must move on. If you feel bad about it, then it's not really the right thing for you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (20 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntYou write:" I am not the clingy type and he knows that. "

How? Because you TOLD him? If he is just some random guy of Tindr you hooked up with once, then he DEFINITELY doesn't know that you aren't clingy or stalking him.

My guess is he is a one-encounter kind of guy. "Smash em and move on" kind of approach.

Now you MIGHT have wanted to have sex with him, but... He didn't.

Was it because you said HI to him in person? Who knows? Maybe he had a GF who was in a shop nearby or maybe he thought hooking up on Tindr means NEVER having to meet the girls/women he hook up with out there in "real life" land.

Either way, LEAVE him be and move on.

And if YOU are looking to JUST hook up and not get to know them or date them... don't say hi if you see them on the street. Just BE that "hole in the mattress"...

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A female reader, mystiquek United States +, writes (20 March 2019):

mystiquek agony auntIt sounds like he got what he wanted and now that he did he no longer wishes to be around you. Its not very nice but some people really operate that way. I'm afraid this is one you need to write off and move on.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (20 March 2019):

CindyCares agony aunt OP, I don't want to sound bitchy but I'd the say that the most plausible reason is that, while you were very attracted to this guy in particular , he did not feel the same, he was not very attracted to you in particular. He likes you somewhat, but not enough for a repeat performance.

Lots of people operate on the principle that , like there really is no bad pizza, there can't be bad sex. And, same as you reasonably enjoyed the pizza that you just consumed, and there was nothing wrong with it, still you think that you could do better and find something more impressive, more memorable , in the next pizza place (s) you are going to try , so you 'd rather try something new than revisiting the one you just had.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2019):

This is why I would never use dating apps or sites. People are generally just looking for one thing and when they get it they're gone. He was happy to receive oral sex, he didn't have to do anything for you or make any kind of effort. Now he'll move onto the next girl. He unmatched you because he didn't want anything further from you. It's simple

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (20 March 2019):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou’re clingy just by not letting this go. You hooked up once. That’s just how it works when you hook up. If you weren’t clingy (for a hook up scenario), you wouldn’t care.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (20 March 2019):

N91 agony aunthttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-suspect-hes-trying-to-cheat-on-her.html

Gonna take a stab in the dark that the above post belongs to you. He got some kind of sexual satisfaction out of the scenario and now he doesn’t want to know you. Simple.

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