A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why did he try so hard to hurt me? I can't figure it out. I am trying to understand this maliciousness when he was so wonderful for 2 years?We broke up mutually and limited contact with each other, and texted about him getting his things (which he kept canceling). Eventually, he suffered a terrible tragedy of a man dying in his arms at his job (he works in a hospital). He tried to tell me about his incident several times but I had done a very good job at maintaining limited contact. Eventually, he got a chance to tell me what happened when he finally came to get his things and used it to guilt me into allowing him more contact.After 4 months of being broken up, he laid it on thick that he was having thoughts of being with me again, he told me to buy a vase to buy me flowers every month, he insisted on visiting me (I made him sleep on the couch) but he still tried to charm me, telling me he was still in love with me, trying to hold my hand (I wouldn't let him), texting me pictures of him and I when we were still together, and telling me he was willing to make the commute to see me to make things work. I thought perhaps after 4 months this was his way of letting me know he made a mistake and wanted to be with me again.He convinced me to visit him in Boston where he moved away. I thought this was a gesture towards getting back together. I fell asleep in bed and he crawled in with me (even though he said he would sleep on the couch). After 4 months I really gave in and let him lay next to me and he held me tight. He told me he felt right. The next day he said wanted to see me soon.BUT I saw messages he posted online about him planning to have a random hookup the next weekend. Then I looked at his photos after he told me he posted pictures of me and my dog but instead he posted photos of him grinding on some random girl. I called him and asked him what was going on and what was really happening after all this wooing. He said cheerfully he had no time for a relationship. But he loved me so wants to keep talking to me. I didn't argue with him because I was in shock but the next day I called him to let him know we should never speak again.He didn't pick up but returned my phone call. He let me know he had just come back from the movies with a girl to see a movie that him and I were supposed to see together. He didn't have to tell me that! I told him we couldn't talk anymore. I let him know how badly he hurt me and let him know he was rotten for what he did and communication could not happen anymore. I hung up and I am still baffled.I understand that things don't always work out and relationships end, even that people change and want different things. But my heart is is in so much pain because I feel like he TRIED to hurt me. His actions seem so malicious but that wasn't the person I knew for 2 years.Can anyone help me understand this sudden rotten behavior? I feel like my pain could ease a bit if I could understand why he would do this to me after being out of my life and broken up for months. I don't like to feel victimized but I feel like this was undeserved and unprovoked!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): It's hard to understand why anyone would intentionally inflict emotional pain on another person, especially one he says he loves. My boyfriend recently disappeared on me - no calls, wouldn't answer my calls, etc. I haven't talked to him in 2 months. I have no idea why this happened, and after being with him for 1.5 years, no one could have paid me to think he would ever do something like this. I completely trusted him, 100%. He was sweet, dependable, etc. His actions have inflicted enormous emotional pain on me, and I'm sure he's smart enough to know this. Unless guys like this can search their own souls for an answer to their actions, and honestly come clean with the person they hurt, we won't really ever know or understand why they are cruel like this. It sounds like your boyfriend definitely has issues, and as much as he has hurt you, it's certainly in your best interest to have no contact with him again, ever. He loves only himself, and you should have someone who will treat you like a queen. Good luck, I know you're hurt but there WILL be someone out there for you.
A
female
reader, didda123  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 I think he seems to enjoy the chase. He was quite happy pursuing you until he got to the point where he wanted to be. What happened is that you caught him out with his cheating and rather than just do the decent thing and apologise he turned on you.I know its painful but i think you are better off without him. Try to keep yourself busy it will help you not to dwell on things.
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A
female
reader, dotty3 +, writes (1 December 2008):
Because he wasn't man enough for you. He's still a child and maybe he'll regret ever hurting a woman. Do you really want to be with someone like that?? Move on, the right man is still out there, it sounds corny but it hopeful.
I hope it helps in any way.
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