A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been wiith my partner 10 months now and 3 weeks ago he went to a dating agency and told me he was curious and wanted to find out if he was ready to settle down and if was me wanted to share life with . we are so happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 The other posters said it all, I just want to add this :
if by " he went to a dating agency " you mean that he signed up with an off line dating agency, that's not the same as idly perusing Craigslist ads - he is not just curious, he is proactively seeking someone who's not you.
A friend of mine met his wife this way . To register with the agency he had to pay a HEFTY yearly fee, undergo a one hour interview, and fill up a 10 pages questionnaire.
A bit too much for an innocent curiosity, I'd say.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): A better way of putting it is : if i dont get anyone better then i will stay with you. If he wanted you forever then he wouldnt be doing this. You are his safety net and nothing more.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 December 2010):
 You write, 'we are so happy'. 'We' are not. You may have thought the relationship was great but he is obviously having doubts. If he is actively seeking dates from an agency then he is cheating. He is telling you that he is contemplating cheating because he doesn't respect you. However nasty it may seem then only person in charge of your happiness is you. Why settle for someone who is 'not sure' when you could get out there and find someone who is definitely happy to be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Why are you putting up with this? It is not acceptable under any circumstances to be in a relationship and to be using any kind of dating agency on or off-line, full stop..period!
I's sorry it's not what you wanted to hear, how many times do I write that on here. But seriously, if he is that unsure, immature, does not know or appreciate what he has with you, then kick him into touch with reality, make the choice for him, and tell him, you're not sure IF has what you want long-term, and send him on his way.
Only I know that is very easy for me to write, as I'm not emotionally involved - but logically I believe and hold firm on, this is NOT what you do in a relationship. If he has doubts, and wants to look around, which he's obviously doing, then he should have the integrity to END your relationship FIRST. And although you do not mention if this was online or an off-line dating agency, either spells problems for you. Online, if he's started looking, he has entire sweet shop of dolly mixtures - if an off-line agency, then he will have to meet with them if it's a reputable agency, and would need to invest in a fee, so either way it shows he has a wondering eye.
I think IF a man ever does this so early on in a relationship, and the woman accepts this and continues with him, she is really opening Pandora's box, as it tells him, you will stay regardless of what he does, and that for a long term future is very dangerous ground to tread for you.
Please think about this very carefully.
Jilly
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This does sound rather strange. Can he not tell if you are the one for him just by being with you? Life isn't a sweet shop where you need to get a full selection before you can choose. No, not acceptable. You could be firm and risk losing him - it may just jolt him into reality.
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