A
female
age
51-59,
*nb123
writes:I met J through a centralized network of online communities. Last Sunday, we had a great date, three hours long talking over drinks.I emailed the next day to say thank you for drinks and that I had a very nice time. He replied that evening thank me for coming out and saying he had a nice time too.On Tuesday, he called but the reception kept dopping. He called 5 times in a row and we wound up talking for about 5 minutes before reception dropped again.I sent a text saying let's chat later. I didn't hear from him so that night I called and left a voicemail. I figured this was okay since he did call me that day.Then nothing.On Thursday, I left a message asking if he'd like to get to gether this weekend. Nothing.Okay, so I know I don't call again, or even email.But why did he reply to my email and why did he call me? Could he lose interest in one day?Maybe he met somoene else; it does happen.... *sigh*Signed, very very sad in CT
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female
reader, anb123 +, writes (9 March 2008):
anb123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPericles and Paladin, you're both right. I was more interested than he was. I still dont understand why he bothered to call me after our date and then not reply any further. The only one who knows is him.
I have plenty of dates and ge asked out frequently. This is just another example of "the one you want doesnt want you back".
thanks :)
A
female
reader, pericles +, writes (9 March 2008):
 I also thought I'd like to say that paladin has a good point, and/but women don't always feel a strong connection to a guy, either. What they see is potential for a relationship, so that when a guy doesn't respond, it's not that our feelings get hurt and we feel dissed, it's that we feel like we have lost a piece of our future. Women are, too often, thinking about settling down, not as in a huge marital commitment, but just in not being alone every day and night. So I think that's a source of real problems between men and women, and if you, as a woman, want to avoid a lot of that, you have to find a guy who is seriously ready to think like that about relationships. It's better to observe them for awhile. A guy who is ready for a real relationship will send out very obvious signals.
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A
female
reader, pericles +, writes (9 March 2008):
Did you actually make a date to meet for drinks for the weekend, or was this not understood by both of you? If you made an actual date and he didn't show up with no explanation, then forget it; unless he's in the hospital or his mother is, he's not worth worrying about. But if the conversation was casual, as in, "well, maybe we'll get together for drinks this weekend, call me Saturday," and he doesn't... I'd say forget it; he's not interested. A guy who is into you will take any chance you provide him with to follow up. Not following up on an obvious invitation, unless it's so subtle he didn't recognize it, means: he's not into you. Guys are not that complicated. What complicates the situation is our hope they like us the way we like them. But the problem is, that unless he does like you the way you like him, he won't behave the way you want him to. If he doesn't care as much as you do, most likely, you'll be on this forum, wondering what went wrong. Can you have bad luck twice in a row? Of course you can. If it keeps happening, though, you are doing something wrong, and are picking guys who are putting out mixed signals or are just not available to begin with. This is about you not paying attention, or not recognizing, the signals they send out. Best thing to do is go out with a friend who has an easy time with guys and really observe the signals they send her. You're not looking for a guy of your own, at that point; you're on a scientific mission to discover how this whole process works, and what a guy looks like, and how he behaves, when he's interested. Then you can apply what you learn to your own situation. These skills seem to be very hard to learn, because unless you have easy success early in life (and how many people do?) you have to learn them at some point, usually painfully, it seems.
;-)
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A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (8 March 2008):
 It sounds like you two had a connection but not as strong as you feel. When it comes to being attracted to someone I don't think there is that much difference between men and women. If it is strong we all do what we have to do to move along. I suggest you take it easy and go on with your life if there is something there he will call and if not so what. You will meet other prople and when its meant to be it will. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, anb123 +, writes (8 March 2008):
anb123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionVery reasonable, sound answer. Thank you! I hope beyond hope that you're right.
If I was just calling to say "hi", then okay, he is taking his time. But isn't it at least polite to say that he cant do drinks this weekend?
I have a full life and several other dates in the works but I am stuck on J.
Recently, a guy I met online and was getting along well with met the love of his life on a plane to London. We were going to get together upon his return, but nope, he met "the girl." And that was the end of that.
Could I have the bad luck of it happening with two guys in a row?
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A
female
reader, pericles +, writes (8 March 2008):
this all happened in under a week or two? don't rush it. give the guy some time to back away. women frequently interpret the guy's early absence as signs he's not interested. this isn't always true. they work on a different timetable than women do; they're not so sure, as women often are, that they even want a relationship. also, take into account that emotions that come up this suddenly make people nervous.
I think a lot of the mistakes women make with men could be avoided if they keep in mind that men are not as aware as women are of the potential of a relationship, and just aren't paying as much attention and aren't as sure as women are about what they want.
best to get on with your life. Please don't be sad. Think, hey, it's nice we connected, I made a friend, we had a good time. That way, when you hear from him again, if you do, you'll sound loose and easy, and won't intimidate him with: where were you?? which just sounds antagonistic and is so self-destructive. It's really important to have your own life and actually live it!!
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