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I am not sexually attracted to him. Will we grow into that?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2008)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

My first and only serious boyfreind started when i was in year three. He gave me a ring and card on valentimes day, so he was my first valentime. We were together till year six but then split up because we changed schools. Now, 4 years later, he has sudennly given me my second ever valentime. We went out on a dog walk valentimes day, i wanted to see if i culd get along with him as well as i used to. We do, we get on really well. But theres a few problems. One, he is short. He looks very young for his age, and even tho he is cute it doesnt make him sexy. And thats wat i want. Am i being too shallow? I mean, he ovbiously likes me, and i havnt actually had a proper boyfriend in quite a while. Should I go out with him, even though I don't feel sexually attracted to him? Will I grow to have these feelings for him?

Thankyouxxx

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (9 March 2008):

starfairy agony auntIn my opinion, if the passion/lust/physical attraction isn't there in the first place, it's never gpong to be there. I had a GREAT relationship with a guy who was like my soul mate, we were amazing friends, just didn't have the passion. We worked at it but it was never truly there.

You're young though, so don't worry too much about this kinda stuff :o)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

I would say spend more time with him,I was close to my best friend of the opposite sex and i never fancied him in the physical/sexual way but as we grow closer,i realised that i was physically attracted to him its now nearly been 3years.

Take things slow though to make sure you don't cause him any pain because you sound a little bit mixed up to be honest

xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

Not 'sexually' attracted to him? I hope you really meant to state that and say you aren't 'physically' attracted to him. Sexually attracted makes it sound that you want him to look a certain way, with the intent of having sex with him. And girl, let's face it...you are pretty young to be considering that. Sex is a life altering act and you should be abstaining until you can shoulder the responsibility of the consequences of sexual behavior. So don't even go there.

Now physical attraction is different. Physical attraction is that real special physical quality in a person that inspires a sincere, genuine interest from you. but not in a sexual way but in an attentive, affection ate and respectful way. Kind of like feeling that 'compatible chemistry'. So I am really, really hoping (in light of your young age) that what you are saying, is you although you like his personality, he's just not your type..in the physical way. Meaning you like taller guys? You like older looking guys? If so, then this guy is not for you. I say that, because If you have known him for a very, very long time, and his great personality didn't win you, over enough to overlook his physical looks, then you should not be dating him...period. He will be dumped the minute you meet a taller, older looking boy and he will likely be deeply hurt. Hurt much more if you were to tell him now, that you just don't feel the chemistry. and you go your separate ways.

So to answer your question---no, you shouldn't be dating him if you don't feel 'physically' attracted to him and you don't date him, just because you haven't had a proper bf in a long time. That would be using him and yes it would also be a very shallow, selfish thing to do. Cut him loose so he can heal, recover and find another gf who likes him, sfor his cutemess, his youthfulness, short stature and all.

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