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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm going crazy, i really hope someone can help me !. I'll try to write this briefly.I like this man who is 19 years older than me, i dont mind about the age gap. I heard that he liked me, and once when we were out he winked at me a lot, and other times he bought me a drink, linked arms with me whenever we walked down a street somewhere, once he had his arm round me and was stroking my hair, once he stroked my leg as he stood up to walk past me as he was sat next to me at a table, and held my hand as he walked past, and we have flirted a lot on msn by sending " winks " and he has talked about wanting me to be " naughty " with him. I went to his house once, nothing sexual happened, and he asked me to go there again a few times, but i told him that i didnt want to rush into anything sexual. He said he would meet me in town instead so we could get to know each other better, but he hasnt done yet, and he said that a couple of months ago.A couple of weeks ago, he posted a video on his page and wrote " for ( my name ) " above it. He knows what kind of music i like.I wondered if there was a reason for this, as everyone on his friends list would have seen it. I'm worried because recently, another woman has posted comments on his page on a social networking site and put this sign on : ), and a couple of kisses. She usually comments on his videos or applications that he has posted though. And yesterday, i found out that he had deleted a photo album with photos of his ex in it. I'm worried that there might be something going on with him and this other woman who posted on his page. I want to ask him why he deleted that album, and if i can meet him in person so we can talk things over . What do you think ?.This was quite a while ago, but he also told his friends that he thinks a lot of me, but that he was worried about the age gap, and was worried about hurting me as he wasnt over his ex. I met him in December 2007. He had only just broken up with his ex then. They got back together briefly in September last year too. We met up in person a few times last year, and since then we kept in touch by text messages on our phones and on msn. Sorry if this message sounds confusing. I'm upset because he hasnt been speaking to me as much lately. He works different shifts each week, and he usually blames not speaking on him being tired or busy.I like him a lot because in the times that we did meet up, and when we have spoke online, he has given me more confidence, and he has a great sense of humour! I also know, he said this himself, that he is very insecure too, and he doesn't think much of himself. He also told his friends quite a while ago that he thinks a lot of me, but that he didnt want to hurt me, although at the time, i think he said that about not wanting to hurt me because he hadnt got over his ex. He also told them once that he was worried about the age gap.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I guess that could also mean that his friends could have been lying to me when they said that he'd said he thought alot of me but he didnt want to hurt me, e.t.c, or perhaps, even though they are his friends, they aren't aware of what he is really like, as in they might not think he is a player and might have thought he was telling the truth. Apparently, he even said, why would i want to be with someone his age when i could be with a guy my own age. It was quite a long time ago though when he said that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Yeah i mean i know they've been broken up for a year, but he could still be trying to use me. As far as i'm aware, he hasn't been back with her since the end of last year. He also used to say hello to me first every time i signed in to msn, but he hasnt done that lately. He has responded sometimes when i have said hello to him, but he's only talked about work. Infact, he is on msn right now as i am typing this message, and he hasn't spoken to me. I agree that i should be with someone who does want to date me properly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): What do you think about the video he posted and wrote that it was for me ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): I see your point, Gina. He mentioned that, and he hasn't met up with me in town with us being alone ever, so i think i should just try to forget him. I mean one thing i keep thinking to myself is, he obviously had enough time to see his ex when they were together, and they even moved in together, so why can he not make time for me ?. I believe he still did shift work back then too, and he and his ex met at work. She doesnt work with him now though, as he is at a different place. It actually angers me that he thought so much of her and made time for her, but he can't do the same for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): well he was with his ex for eight years, and they broke up in 2007, not sure what month, but i met him in December that year. and i heard that he got back with her briefly around September last year.He never told me that, a family member told me, and they must have heard through my other family member who works with him. I was shocked, especially as that was after he had said he was interested in me and flirted with me.Although now, as i said , he has deleted her album. Mind you though, i can see what you mean in that flirting doesnt necessarily mean he wants to date me, and if he had wanted to date me, i think he would have seen me alot sooner, and in town, not just at his house. I'm just mainly confused over him deleting that, although why should it matter if he isn't pursuing me ?.I've been considering going working abroad recently, there is a job that i can take if i want to, so i think i will do that. There isn't much to keep me here anyway.
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind  +, writes (6 October 2009):
19 is a big age gap though, i mean really consider how much different life is at that point. compare who you were at 13 to being in your 20's, I mean its a different game entirely. That being said, the average distance in couples is 5 years... soIt can be done. I just think that these subtle flirtations seem kind of over analyzed, if you have never continued any kind of dating, then he can technically do as he pleases... as much as it would hurt. I would say, if you can. Move on, find someone who actually wants to be with you and will take you out on the town and not only at his house. Just a thought-iydm
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Hi. I just wanted to add that i do know him in person (i mentioned the things he has done in person ). He works with a family member of mine, and so do his friends.
I thought with him deleting the photo album he might be over her now, but i'm not sure.i'm also worried about this other woman who posted on his page. I'm not sure whether to talk about it with him or not.
With him mentioning being " naughty ", do you think that means he could be dangerous, or that he will just be after one thing, or maybe both ?.
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