A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Just what does a man want in a potential mate, be it his choice to get close to a girl at work when he is married, why does he overstep into the realm of saying "i love you more than that flirtation',rub and touch on her, seek her out, ask her to find him before she goes home at night- hold her unlike the 'touchy' he does with others (he's the touchy type in general) tell her he's crazy about her in a direct conversation of feeling, I reciprocated and then... start mentioning the wife here and there??- For after he told me he was crazy for me and I told him what meeting him meant to me too- we were both happy after our talk... I gave it two weeks to see what would come of it, his move...and then he starts mentioning the wife, and I finally was hurt and pissed inside...(he reeled me in over the months to this 'apex' and ....wow! Funny that I wasn't attracted to him in the beginning at ALL...) Of course I still obeyed his work orders but started to ignore or be short with him otherwise in a neutral way,as I'm usually very happy all the time, but this showed a change in me as i tried to shake my emotions of him, how can he be crazy about me, admit it, then start bringing her up now??... the first day and week...he started demanding what was wrong and got mad at me and started ignoring me and behaved derranged almost..I kept passing it off on another reason.. but I was too chicken to tell him I was pulling away from him,cuz he hurt me.. he could feel it though-I'm certain... and now I have taken a few weeks off cuz of the season..trying to get him out of my system before I return to him again... I'm curious, was it all crap, i mean the guys married, his telling me he loves me more than that etc..really reeled me in..I dunno, maybe I blew it by forcing my wall, as i do have a care for him, but what is right is right...and to me in his mentioning his wife after our confessions to each other...I dunno I just need clarity?? Anyone willing..I thank you!What is this crap. I guess when i return i just need to be ME, and if that's what made him fall, tuff, my mind must be on other things!!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 January 2009):
 He mentioned his wife because he is MARRIED. Leave him alone and your problem will end. You know what is right so get yourself out of th situation. Only you can do that.
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (7 January 2009):
Some men want to have their cake and eat it too...such as this man. Yes, he was, and still is, attracted to you...but he's married! That ultimately for the most part makes him unavailable, when it comes down to it. Yes, some married men do leave their wives for the other woman, but that is the rare exception, as I understand it. I wouldn't want to be the other woman, waiting to find out.
Do yourself a favor (and you'll also be doing his wife a favor)...rise above this, turn your back to it, be yourself, and don't pay him any mind other than business. It sounds as though he is your boss, whom you directly report to? That will make things that much harder.
Get out of this relationship, now, and stay out of it. He's married, that makes you the "other woman", and there is so much that is terribly, terribly wrong with that, on all fronts. No one wins, everyone gets hurt, and the one who will suffer more than anyone will be his wife, poor thing.
Some men, by the way, are very good at stooping so low as to lying when they tell a woman that they love them, all for the sake of sex. Some of them are so good they actually convince the woman that they are genuine, that they care, that they mean it. Whether or not he meant what he said, this is all wrong.
Enjoy your time off, use it to get over this guy and heal, and when you do return to work, try to have as little interaction as possible with him, even possibly getting a new job or transferring to a different department where you will have little or even better no interaction with him.
What happened is very inappropriate, not just b/c he is married (which makes it inappropriate more than anything else), but b/c he is your boss (I think), and you two have to work together.
Shame on him for coming on to you, but shame on you for reciprocating. Sorry, I don't want to be judgemental here, but I can't help myself, especially since I have been suspicious (for good reason) of my own fiance cheating on me with a female worker that reports to him. I have no concrete proof, but the signs are there, and though he explains away every one of them, I can't help but feel he's done it. If he hasn't, then things are awful coincidental. I feel the pain inside as though he's done it, and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. It's difficult to describe the heartbreak when someone betrays you like that.
So please, put yourself in his wife's shoes, and stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of his wife and how you would feel if you were married and found out your husband was cheating on you. With a woman he works with all day long. How would that make you feel? Like hell, like words cannot even describe, I'm sure.
I don't know how far this has gone with him, i.e., if you've slept with him or not. You've at the very least had what they call an "emotional affair", which is equally inappropriate.
I give you credit at least for trying to get out of it, even if it took his mentioning his wife to jumpstart you to do so. Keep running, don't look back, it's not fair to anyone involved, most of all his wife.
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