A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met someone quite frankly five years ago. And from that day I have always liked him. It wasn't a strong feeling, but I was attracted to him and have been attracted to him from that first day. Throughout that time that I have seen him in school, and seen him in the hallways, I have always just wanted to get to know him, like a friend. I was basically curious because it had been so long and I had never had the chance at getting to know what he was all about. I have told him that I liked him and he responded very harshly saying things to hurt my feelings and trying to hurt me rather then tell me really what he feels. I understood. Then I found out one day that he was single, and had been single for awhile. I messaged him told him I wish it was me instead of her, (no offense)and he said to me that "I want nothing to do with you" this summer. So i took that to heart and thought to myself to never speak to him ever again, because i knew that what he had said was genuine. I promised myself to never talk to him ever again. And I never did until my grad ceremony this last week. now I had my grad ceremony the other day, and realized that for the four hours that we had to sit there, that I was going to have to sit there beside him entirely.(because we have similar last names) Now it was really, really awkward. His leg would touch mine, my arm would brush his, and we didn't make it evident that each other minded...even though it was a little awkward. I told myself that I wasn't going to give in and talk to him no matter what happened that night. But all of the sudden out of no where he said like three things to me, acting as if nothing he said this past summer even happened, acted as if we were friends for life, like he hadn't hurt me at all. The first time in five years this guy shows me attention. I was so angry at him, because I thought that a person who really doesn't like you, should treat you basically like you don't exist. Now every time he had said what ever he said to me, I wasn't sure how to react, so I was aloof, and frustrated. I would have rather him apologize to me then instead just act like nothing is wrong. So i just sat there in my chair trying to ignore the fact that he talked to me, and that he went against his word. I was to mad at him for what he did that I couldn't really say anything because I was still hurting. So now im wondering how do I come about, reacting to him, why is he even showing me that I exist (if he hates me so much), why is he playing with my feelings and saying one thing, and then the last day that he may ever come into contact with me, finally become nice to me? Now I know that just cause he is nice doesn't mean he wants me, I understand that. But when someone hurts you, wouldn't you rather them apologize to you before pretending like nothing happened.Was he just trying to elevate the tension, was he really sorry and didn't know how to say it, im just frustrated, i mean I want to ask him if we are okay, and if everything is gone and we can be like facebook buddies, but thats it. If someone hates me I want them to treat me like they hate me, not be mean and angry and then all of the sudden be nice to me one day.I know it seems bad that I want someone like this but I think its basically the mystery of who he is as a person that I want to figure out you know. If the one person who you want to be with finally says something to you for the first time, would you want to figure out whether or not they actually care? when you may never see them again. my real question is due to my curiosity, what should I do? how should I approach this? thanks in advance for the advice :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): I am sorry that you are wasting so much emotional energy on this.
He clearly does not care about you, he has told you off, you have been around him for five years and he has never asked you out. And when you told him your feelings for him he rejected you.
THE GUY IS NOT VERY NICE TO YOU
HE SPOKE TO YOU WHILE SITTING NEXT TO YOU BECAUSE THE
SILENCE AND TENSION GOT TO BE TOO MUCH FOR HIM
IT DOES NOT MEAN HE HAS SUDDENLY CHANGED HIS MIND.
I don't see why you like this guy you have never had any kind of relationship with him and being Facebook Friends is about worthless in the scheme of things....
He was insulting to you in the past and no one likes rejection, but it is part of life and when someone you like from a distance shouldn't be that important to you.
Forgive and forget and move on and don't waste a second more of your time on him, he was and is nothing to you.
He isn't even a nice person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): I am sorry that you are wasting so much emotional energy on this.
He clearly does not care about you, he has told you off, you have been around him for five years and he has never asked you out. And when you told him your feelings for him he rejected you.
THE GUY IS NOT VERY NICE TO YOU
HE SPOKE TO YOU WHILE SITTING NEXT TO YOU BECAUSE THE
SILENCE AND TENSION GOT TO BE TOO MUCH FOR HIM
IT DOES NOT MEAN HE HAS SUDDENLY CHANGED HIS MIND.
I don't see why you like this guy you have never had any kind of relationship with him and being Facebook Friends is about worthless in the scheme of things....
He was insulting to you in the past and no one likes rejection, but it is part of life and when someone you like from
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A
male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (13 October 2009):
It is often very difficult for us as humans (and especially those of us who happen to be male) to own up to the damage we have caused in past relations with someone whom we actually bear no ill will. It is embarrassing, akward, and uncomfortable to be forced to face the truth of the fact that sombody who has done nothing wrong could have been hurt by our own callous, careless words and actions. In order to avoid the akwardness, discomfort, and embarassment, we will sometimes approach ans pretend like the problem never existed, hopefully as a cue to the other to follow suit.It's insensitive, and immature, but perfectly understandable. Were I you, however, I wouldn't put too much stock in it. This is not a sign that he's in any way actually interested, but rather a sign that he knows he may have done you some harm, didn't really mean to, and is on some level sorry about it. It is, incidentally, also a sign that he isn't man enough to actually own up to it, but would rather just pretend like it never happened.
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