A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is a man that I like, but there is one problem: he is the teaching assistant for my college philosophy class and therefore is responsible for grading my work. I am 23 and he is 28. I am a senior and he is a Ph.d candidate. Had we met in different scenario, the "take things to the next level" part would be much simpler to figure out. However, because of the professionalism we are both suppose to be mindful of, it is hard to give him any clue I might be interested and I think it is equally difficult for him to consider me as anything else but a student. He takes his job seriously and is a very professional and reserved person.To make things even more challenging, he is the shy/awkward but brilliant and kind sort of guy. He probably would never guess that I am interested in him. But, probably would not welcome flirtatious behavior either from me because of the conflict of interest it would cause.My question is...given our circumstance and the expectation for each of us, how is it possible to ever go to another level? Is it possible?Thanks.
View related questions:
flirt, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): (the author)
Well, I have noticed him glancing every once an a while in my direction. When we first met he stuttered over my name several times as if I made him nervous but he has gotten a grip since then. When another boy in the class made me laugh one day I saw him look up immediately and saw a slightly jealous expression. (But he does hide himself very very well.)
Keep in mind my description of him. He is not easily tempted. He is a very serious and principled person. And, perhaps the sort of person who has not faired well with the opposite sex...therefore, I think the idea makes him nervous especially because of his position.
I agree, these things can't be forced. I will maintain friendliness and try to be a little bit more personable. But I am telling you very honestly, if I went into his office like a naughty librarian he would not be impressed. The typical idea of a sexy girl is not what turns this guy on. I have a strong feeling about this. I think he is looking for an intellectual equal and someone who can share his interests. Which because he is a Ph.d candidate and I am only a senior, he might feel it is impossible we would be matched in that way.
So, the semester ends in December, I will wait and see what or what doesn't develop.
Thanks to all of you that responded!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): (the author)
No, we have not chatted about things other than class work. I have met him twice in his office to go over class related subjects. (Yes, I had legitimate reasons for visiting him.)
We are friendly with one another, cordial...but nothing resembling "comfortable". I would not ask him for his number for example and he would not ask for mine. I have had relationships (friendships) with professors before that were much more warm (i.e. being able to talk about things unrelated to class). But with this guy I sense a little bit of tension, like there is a line that he knows not to cross and he won't even get close to it.
I was thinking just as you were, keeping things strictly professional until after the class ends. At that point, he won't be my t.a. anymore. But, unless he is a t.a. in another class I have next semester, there will cease to be any reason to contact him. Chances are he won't be.
I thought about asking him to coffee after the semester ends, but I am not sure if it would be the right thing to do. Everyone knows what coffee implies, "I like you and I want to propose an "innocent" scenario where we could get to know each other".
That's my problem...I don't know how to transcend from strictly professional/university business to friends/maybe more.
...............................
|
