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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am an attractive 40 year old woman currently in a relationship with a 24 year old strapping young jock. We initially hit it off as friends while playing on a co-ed softball team together. Then went out with a group and ours eyes met and have been physically attracted to each other ever since. I told him we can only be friends because of the age difference, but last week he admits he is now in love with me and doesn’t care who knows that we are involved. How should I respond to this? How should I react to this? Should I end this relationship that makes me feel good, we have a lot of fun and the sex is great just because society doesn’t think its appropriate? For now I am living! Men do it all the time, why cant women to have young lovers as well?Any advice about keeping our sex life great? Tips for keep sex fun?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Hi. Im 15 years older than my partner. We met as friends and he talked me into a relationship that i had doubts about because of the age diff. But we have been together 3 years now and things are fine. So i`d say go for it if he makes you happy.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 Woman can have young lovers. Some woman however just can not give themselves what they want. Maybe it is an issue of if you feel you deserve it?
In terms of how society regards older women and younger men, the issue is that most people feel comfortable with the "idea" that a relationship may produce children. Older women (depending on age and health) are likely not to be able to bare children (or they can but the risks are greater). When couples are both younger, the possibility for children is there. When older men date younger women, the possibility is still there (did a lecture CD program on this. But when older women date younger men, there is less of a possibility (and sometimes obviously none). Will have to do a lecture on this in the future.
Although much of this is unfair because fertility issues can exist for men and women of any age due to things not related to age, older women tend to face a stigma. Relationships between older women and younger men are treated more like "sex buddy relationships", and not everyone is comfortable with that idea. Those same people would not want to know about younger couples having sex only relationships, so when an older woman and younger man date, they ignore the fact the couple might really care for each other, and just focus on the fact that the couple wants to be together but never "wants" to produce children.
The other stigma that hurts women more than men is this: When older men date younger women, there is always a question if she is with him due to some "daddy" complex. However, because (in theory) they can still get pregnant so it is tolerated. In the case of the older woman fulfilling the "mommy complex" of the younger man, because there is less chance or no chance of pregnancy, only the complex is focused on. Yes it is unfair, but that is part of the perception.
In the end, no matter who you date (older, younger, race, gender, etc)...there will ALWAYS be someone out there that hates it, for their own reasons that have nothing to do with you.
So date who you want, and to hell with any nay-sayers.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 I agree with the question....why can't women have young lovers? No particular reason other than society's views. And the importance of society's views is.......zip. You do whatever feels good, he's an adult and is responsible for his own decisions, and so are you. Maybe he'll get hurt, maybe you will, but.....we're here for a good time not a long time. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): of-course you can, what will come out of it who knows? You probably finished w/child bearing, he never started. At one point he 'd want kids. In ten years he'll be looking at 25 years old, but have your fun for now.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 This posting seems questionable as being entirely legit, but these days, any relationship that works for you, and your partner, is all that matters.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (26 September 2009):
 It depends. If you are only getting the kicks out of this, then spare his heart by keeping at a distance. If you have simiar feelings, then go for it.
I've always thought that if you are secure with yourself, then who gives a shit what others think.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 The answer is in the question: Why CAN'T you?
The future of this relationship should be a personal decision, between you and your 24-year-old jock. It's not society's decision to make!
He seems to really like you, and I can tell you definitely like him.
Life is so short and precious, and we don't get many chances to be happy in life. When we DO get the chance, it would be foolish to let it pass you by because society might not approve. Screw society.
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