A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereWould really love some help with this please :)Me and my ex split up in February after being together for 2 years and quite a rocky patch. We did argue quite a lot, as we were both at uni and there was a lot to argue about-with us both going out nearly every other night.I have since moved about 300 miles away to th other side of the country and finished uni, now in full time employment. He is still at University in his final year but says he wants to stop going out. He has moved home with his parents and wants to concentrate on his final year at university.We havnt seen each other since February, and had quite a nasty break up. He messaged me several months back, saying that he couldnt stop thnking about me and dreaming about me, and asked me if this was normal-he spent the summer away and said he just couldnt stop thinking about me. I said I felt the same...I just wasnt interested in anybody else-was so strange!Last week I was near to where he livs and so decided to ask him if he wanted to meet up for the final time to catch up.We met up and i stayed at his. it was like we had never been apart. We left it saying that we would always love each other but that we must have slpit up for a reason, and that we would see where we are in a year or so..as we lived so far away maybe there was no point getting back together.But i text him the other night saying i couldnt stop thinking about him. He called me and said he felt the same but we just dont know what to do.We clearly love each other so so much, but now live such a long way away, for at least a year, and maybe we need to realise we did split up for a reason.I think neither of us want to live our lives regretting what could have been...We are still both early 20's, and young....and i hate the cliche 'if its meant to be, it will be' because i believe that you make your own destiny....How does this sound from an outsiders point of view?Thanku :) x x x
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male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 2 year relationship and a rocky patch? Argue quite a lot? It's quite common for you to have those types of feelings after a breakup. Do you know why? Because you haven't been together. You haven't had the chance to fight. Nothing has changed since you broke up, meaning.... if you got back together again the same thing would keep happening.
You're not afraid he "might be the one", you both are comfortable and afraid to move on. I guarantee you if you get back together you will fight again and continue to have rough patches. And if you KEEP getting back together this will turn into an endless cycle.
Move on and go your separate ways. If you keep chatting or texting you will only temp each other and keep drawing yourselves to each other. Move on.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 October 2010):
 My feeling is that once broken up you should stay that way. Yes, there were reasons for the break, and those reasons (even if you forget them) will usually drive a couple apart again. Every time I've broken this rule I've regretted it.
That said, it sounds to me like your break was more due to distance than anything else. This is a bit different because if your inability to be together physically was the cause, the cure would be to be together physically. I know this isn't possible this minute, but it will be in the not so distant future. You two sound like you have a good thing. It might be worth waiting as long as you both are on the same page.
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A
male
reader, Jo Keep +, writes (15 October 2010):
Give it time, you are both only young and you have said yourself that you used to argue as you were both going out all the time due to being in uni. Going out at that age, and in that situation is what you should have been doing, so there is nothing wrong with that. If you both feel strongly about each other as is apparent, then give it time, allow him to finish his final year so that he can get through that, then if you both feel the same way in a years time take action on it then and try to arrange a move for you or him to be closer to each other.
You may feel that time is running out for you both, but you have all the time in the world, and if you both feel the same after a year then go for it!
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