A
male
age
30-35,
*thz
writes: My life is changed.. Its so very complicated... I love a girl who stayed with me all the time but had a boyfriend and were in a relationship for almost 5 years.. Then things started to get messy in btween them... they broke up and soon they patched up!This guy no matter how much he hurts her still she goes to him as if shes blind.. When i ask her why she does this why u go bak to him even when u broke up she replies " coz i love him".. What the hell man what kind of love is this! its been around 8 months now since i have been with het and in this span they broke up and patched up many a times...I jus love her friends i want her... but she doesnt cant stop herself.. As if shes is in a self destruction mode..when i tell her dat y cudnt she love me she says.. Im sorry i didnt mean to hurt you...well all this time she gave me the hope that we might b together..i have slept with her did everything except sex.. i need help.. tell me what should i do... To get her and make her love me or make myself stay away from her and make her realize she had lost a guy which she wouldnt get in her whole lifetime..! :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): Maybe she does not want a good guy. Maybe she wants to be self-destructive.
Lots of young women do this. They do not say this is how they feel, but this is what their actions tell you. Actions speak louder than words.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 April 2013):
Hi there. There is clearly unfinished business there, with this guy she keeps breaking up and making up with.
Otherwise, she wouldn't keep on going back.
I don't believe it is that she doesn't like you enough, but more that she isn't finished with this other guy yet.
She might one day, but it is impossible to say at this point.
When she breaks up with him each time, it is perhaps for the very same reason that it was every previous time, and yet she keeps returning to him.
Perhaps he is just a selfish type, and she doesn't feel that he is attentive enough towards her - which is pretty minor.
I say this because, if he was the abusive type and struck her physically, well then that would be a very major reason to NOT make up with him.
And as I don't know this, I am therefore assuming that it is very small things that is the reason for each breakup.
Perhaps they just don't agree on some things, and rather than simply to accept that they won't agree on everything they talk about, it could be that they both try and push their point, to try and influence the other to think like them, and so they instead argue, and then decide to break it off - again.
It may follow a pattern each time.
And without actually being there at the time, and without her telling you why each breakup occurred, we really don't know why it ends each time, do we?
And even though you were good friends, she may not have told you the reason for the breakups, and so you can only assume.
Or she might make some generalised statement like - "He is so mean and selfish, I don't know what I see in him. - Or some other such statement, that really doesn't tell you anything at all.
So you are a safe haven for her after every one of these breakups, to regain her thoughts and ideas about this guy.
And clearly you are not satisfed with just being some place to go, are you?
And you do deserve more, surely.
Perhaps you need to make it very cldear, that you are not going to be her safety net, each time something goes wrong in her relationship with this guy.
Maybe, you need to tell her this, and the next time - say "No" - that you just can't do this anymore, and that you feel used and abused.
Don't be afraid to say what is on your mind.
Because, she needs to know.
All this letting her stay with you does, is mess with your emotions.
And you can already see this for yourself.
Just make yourself heard about this, and the sooner, the better.
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