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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm in a relationship with a man with whom i want to spend the rest of my life with , and he feels the exact same way. If society didn't have such a negative view of homosexuality i would walk down the street holding his hand and declairing my love for him on tree tops.However when I think of the future i know that it won't be easy since i'll have to break many hearts and relationships with my family and friends who are (anti-gay) in order to be happy, and to be with him. When I think of him, i'm so happy, and i can imagine how happy we'll be to finally be together. he is currently away and when he comes back i want to spend as much time as possible with him. we want to avoid being perceived as a gay couple because he is conserned with the way that my parents and family will respond and he doesn't want me to lose them. He has said that his family will embrace me with open arms, and has even asked me if "we" wanted to tell one of his sisters about "us".He is my best friend and my soulmate, and with our relationship being under wraps to his family he refers to me as his best friend to his family so that they can be familiar with me when they meet me.I've tried to do the same with my folks but they have an issue because he is "not the same race as me" which is complete rubbish to me, I'm latin, he is asian.When I went to visit him overseas there were some friends that he told about me, and we were free, we held hands, he'd sneak kisses etc. I loved it, but back home we have to cover it up to protect our families.There has even been a point where i even thought of being with a girl to avoid conflict with my family, but in my mind i can kinda picture it but to keep my family happy,and to be "what the society considers to be normal". I wish that since the beginning of time eveybody had the choice of being with whom they please and everything was considered OK, and that people wouldn't be judged for simply being attracted to the same sex. If that were the case, id be with him and show it to the world.My parents approval is important to me, and i know that they'll be serverly pissed off with me for like forever. They'll be ashamed of me.I wish i could run away with him and start a new life, but either way i will loose them.please give some advice, sorry for taking so so long.
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (17 October 2005):
I'm afraid no matter what you choose to do, someone will always see you as 'different'. Homophobia is very common but you'll just have to accept it. When I came out to my family about being bisexual I told my mother first. She told me that as long as I'm happy and I'm not hurting anyone or being hurt then it doesn't matter who I go out with. But not everyone takes too kindly to gay people. You just have to trust those you tell. Good Luck!!!
A
reader, pops +, writes (7 October 2005):
If you set impossible goals, you will live a life of disappointment. You are not going to get your parent's approval. And about telling them you are gay, Please: unless your parents and relatives are blind, deaf, and dumb, they already know you are gay ! They may not want to admit it, or talk to each other about it, or to you, but they know. Don't you think people have noticed your lack of interest in women? Or your interest in thin, athletic looking men? What you owe your family is to be honest with them. Love them and respect them by telling them the truth, and ask them to graciously accept your partner, regardless of his race. Its not like the two of you are going to create interracial kids ! They will be hurt, because all parents want grandchildren, and successful children. But they also want their children to be happy. Stop tiptoeing around the issue of your being gay. Talk to them quietly, one at a time, as you would hope to be talked to by them if they had such a serious issue to disclose and discuss with you. Understand that they will be concerned about your health, and the possibility of contracting STD's if your partner is not faithful to you. Give them a chance to get to know him, too. They are going to have to put a lot of trust in him to give their brother or son to him.
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