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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a woman that likes to have sex with her husband about 1-3 times a day and sometimes I don't even want to have sex on certain days, but when I want sex, I would like to have sex right then. But he wants to wait a few hours sometimes. What should I do? Because if I don't get sex when I want it, I get very mad. I don't let nobody have any peace to do anything until I get my sex. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (7 October 2005):
 'I don't let nobody have any peace to do anything until I get my sex.'
Lol...you're so cute. The way you said it makes me laugh. Well well, I think when you dont have it right away, you tend to have that frustration in you. Well, fair enough but sometimes you have to understand that some people, (well, most people) like to take their time to establish the connection and feel first. Thats why we have foreplays!! You have to know that this is very important to your relationship with your husband as it can sever it completely if you continue to go about this the wrong way. I suggest talking to him about how you feel inside, tell him that you have this urge or wanting to have sex right away and see what he says. It could be good if you guys could have a give and take situation as in, doing it your way at certain times and having it his way at other times. Does it make sense?
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reader, pops +, writes (7 October 2005):
About all I agree with Bev about is that you need to learn some self control, and stop getting mad. It does you absolutely no good to get mad. It elevates your blood pressure, secrets more acid into your stomach, causes tension headaches, and puts you into a state of depression. Not good. Stop it, Please. Now, you are in charge of your sexuality. If you don't have toys to take care of business when your bf is not available, or is not interested- don't tell me you have never had a headache when he wanted to have sex- get them. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself when partner sex is not available. And, married couples use toys, together, and alone for the same reasons. There is no reason for you not to have a few vibrators, or whatever to enjoy. And don't listen to that stuff about it insulting your bf. He has his needs, and desires, and you have yours. You didn't decide to live with him just because of sex, and there is no reason to not live with him if he fulfills those other needs and desires. And, grow up a little. LIttle girls throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way. Grown women don't. If you are old enough to be having sex, you are too old for tantrums. Your bf is not a sex machine. You can't expect him to get sexually excited at the drop of a hat, any more than he has the right to expect you to get sexually excited. Most people engage in foreplay before playing; That is how Foreplay gets its name. Sex is adult play. You are suppose to have fun. Demanding someone to do this or that does not sound like one of you is having fun, does it? If you are a little shy on the foreplay skills, start to learn. Foreplay should start with talking. If you don't flirt with your bf every day, start. And if he is not flirting with you every day, ask him why not? No one likes to be taken for granted, and the road to ending a relationship begins here. Don't take him for granted, and don't let him take you for granted. You should find some way to demonstrate to him, or say to him, or write him,how much you love him, and are happy you found him. And vice versa. When is the last time you sent him a salacious invitation at his place of work? How about flowers to him at work? Yes, he will get grief from the guys, but they are just jealous. Consider waking him some morning by getting him erect, or enjoying his erection before he fully wakes. Follow him into his bath or shower, and wash him, and then dry him off. If he gets a little frisky from all the hands on attention, have fun. Seduce him. Don't just tell him to strip down and get ready to make you happy !
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (7 October 2005):
 Gain some control of yourself. If you don't realize already, atleast by your post you sound controling and selfish. What if he demanded that you never do again? Neither of you have the right to demand anything. You can request, but even you say there are days you don't feel like it. Likewise, your husband will have times he won't want to.
I fear that there is a deeper issue here that is being covered by this question. Do you feel validated? Loved? Desired? If not, then all the sex in the world will not make you happy.
Perhap you buy a vibrator or see a councelor. If you have any history of sexual abuse perpetrated by or to you, you could have a sex addiction. There are believe it or not groups for this type of thing. The first step is becomming aware that you are powerless over your impulse.
I feel bad for your husband. Men only have so much in there if you know what I mean. They need a reload time and no amount of degrading or abuse will change that. Be sure that when you are angry you not blame him for your problem. Any amount of sex in excess of 2-3 times a WEEK is surplus. The average couple has it about 3-4 times a month.
The only other option for you would be to look into tantric sex. It is an art form from the region that brought us the Kama Sutra. It helps to heighten sexual pleasure and patience with exercises that require no penatration. Kind of like naked yoga. I think you might like it.
Try to pray the serenity prayer to get you through the toughest times and if you are able to go through an urge with just a little less theatrics you will be on your way to healthy living. There is freedom in control sometimes.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Good luck!
P.S. I drew a blank on one of the words in the prayer and when I looked it up a card fell out of the book. I had written a quote that helps me when I am outside of healthy boundries. I wrote it down word for word as I often do to fixate my thoughts so i can get to the next minute without slipping into my bad behaviors (advice giving ;) The quot is from the book "How Alanon works for families" pg 81 and is available for purchase at meetings. It said:
"There is no better way to make OURSELVES feel victimized and helpless than by harboring unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others, or by confusing expectations with needs and insisting they be met. Attaching our well-being to a particular action is very risky..." Why?
Because it becomes our higher power or god. Sex has no real power (or at least no staying power) to heal that which drives you to such neediness. Heal that wound and you will find many of your problems begin to work themselves out.
Remember that 12 step meetings are free help and if you can find any one of the various types, I would go and after talk to someone who seems to be at peace. If you were not in the right place, no harm done, they can get you where you need to go. (There is a lot of people who attend many different meetings because it is a problem with compulsion control and using things to heal you that have not the power to do so.)
Good luck and God Bless you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2005): LOL...This a joke, right? What is your problem, woman? If in fact, this posting is not a prank..for you to get mad because you can have sex 'right now' is totally absurd. Right now, I'm envisioning you, a grown woman, stomping her feet on the floor, screaming, crying and having a temper tantrum with smoke coming out your ears yelling "Wah! Wah! I waaant seeeex!" Sorry, but this is just so funny. I think you need to seek counseling.
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