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female
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anonymous
writes: If your ex, whom you shared a deep and emotional relationship with at one time is distant, what does this mean? This particular ex is friends or at least nominally more friendly with all of his other exes than he is with me. Right after the break-up he wanted to remain friends, but when I denied him that because it was too painful to me, contact stopped. Contact was forced to start again for various reasons and we are now in a similar social circle, yet he waves at me and then pretends he doesn't know me. He will constantly stare at me and tells people we dated. If he is forced into a situation where we have to talk, he either walks away (if we're in a group) or if he can't avoid the situation, he will turn red and attempt to talk to me, but he always seems like its really painful. He has called me a few times and we've sat down and talked and its been normal and okay one on one, but he expressed that he didn't want to be friends now, but that he did miss me and liked seeing me at places. He's invited me to a couple of parties and I went to one and he didn't say anything to me until I initiated. Because of what he was to me, I think I'll always still have feelings for him. But I know dating again isn't really realistic...but I just can't help but feel hurt. I actually did NOTHING to cause the break-up, it was all instigated by him and when I asked why he went into a lot of reasons, but it wasn't really anything mean I had done that would cause someone to be upset...and he was comfortably talking to me for weeks thereafter. And may I add again that he is not seeing anyone new right now and is actually friends with ALL of his exes and is comfortable around them. He is nice to people he doesn't even like that much, so I wonder if there's something I did wrong? It kind of hurts and makes me feel like the whole thing meant nothing to him the way he acts. I mean he's even "friends" with people he's told me he truly despises, yet he cannot muster enough energy to talk to me as a friend? Did I do something?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): then respect his wishes, maybe he just needs time
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): i wrote this question and I can tell you I have been consistant and have been friendly with him. We HAVE had a talk about it and he's the one who said he did NOT wish to be friends, but missed me, but maybe a friendship could develop later.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): I think he is probably just confused. Think about it from his point of view. You guys broke up and you didn't want to see him, didn't want to be friends. That's fair enough - I completely understand that - but now you want to be friends. He doens't know if you are coming or going. He is probably reacting to you - he doesn't know if you are going to want to speak to him or not. It doesn't mean that you meant nothing to him, it means that he is confused. The best thing is to talk to him and tell him that you have had some time by yourself and you do miss him as a friend and you hope that you can both achieve that, tell him the qualities you like about him and tell him you want him as a friend. It will take time, let him see that you want to be friends and that you are cool with him hanging around. He will eventually come around. Good luck
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female
reader, watrbot +, writes (18 December 2005):
No, I don't think you have done anything wrong. My ex-husband is getting re-married next thursday to a woman who he despised at one time. And let me tell you that it hurts me more than anything. However, your ex might be hurting as well and he doesn't know how to express hisself. It's been 2 years since me and my ex have been together and it still hurts me to see him with her. We have a child, so I have to see him on a daily basis and sometimes he is friendly with me and sometimes he is not. My advice to you is to part yourself from him for awhile. Maybe you both need to have some healing time. I know I still do. I wish you luck and Have a Merry Christmas.
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