A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I seem to have trouble keeping friendships. In the past year alone i have lost two close friends whom i did consider to be bestfriends. I feel like the longer i spend time with a person the farther we drift. I have friends who are not so close, and i'm fine with that. But it seems to me that i cannot get close to a person because things seem to fall apart. Is there something wrong with me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): It depends, do you push them away if so then it may be a fear of rejection which would be likely to come from something from your past. If you feel that could be it then you should go to your doctor to talk to someone about it. But if you don't feel that it could be this then you should and its more than pushing you away then you should ask them why they are.All the best.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You need to put a bit more detail on this one to get a decent answer. What happened with the two ex-friends you mention? I do think you have some self-esteem issues, from the tone of this post ie, you ask is there something wrong with me? You also say "I feel like the longer I spend time with people the farther we drift apart" - this means you expect this to happen. Maybe you are always holding something back of yourself because you dont have the confidence to just be yourself. People can sense these things and maybe that is why they drift away - if they feel they are giving everything and you are holding back they are unlikely to stick around. You obviously have a pre-existing phobia of opening up to people (maybe your parents split-up, or there is something else that happened in childhood) and you may well be pushing people away.
However, I would say that at your age, things are very transient. I can confidently say I am not good friends now with anyone at 31 I knew when I was 16. I do know people who I met in my earlier 20s. This is not to say lasting friendships dont happen at your age, they most certainly do, but id say they are unlikely so dont worry too much about this. You will find good friends who will last a lifetime, I have at least one person I know who is in that category, but again they are rare, in the main friendships like every other relationship come and go, go out, be yourself, have fun and you will find some close friends who will be there for you. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I met an older woman who had this same problem. I told her I'd be her friend forever; I'd be different. However, I had to stop being around her because of her negativity toward herself. I saw this negativity and tried my best to help her see herself in a different light. She never changed. Always miserable she was. Nothing I could do to help her. The only way for her problem to get better is to be more confident in herself and I could not help her with that and I'm typically very good at those kinds of things. However don't lose hope, you are young. There is still much to be learned so long as you think positively about things. Improve your self-esteem. You are responsible for how you feel - not others. And always help others in any way you can because they will be grateful, maybe. I'm just assuming this is the problem. If not I'm sorry I couldn't help.
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