A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been trying to date for a good 6 years now and no one has ever showed an interest in staying with me past a third date or so. I am 28 years old and have been rated an "8" on a looks scale from 1-10. I make close to 6 figures in a good field.I cannot remember the number of first and second dates I have been on, but only a few third dates. Increasingly, I have noticed that women will now tell me that they are interested in a second date and to call them, which I do. Then I never get a call back.I'm sorry, this is getting ridiculous. What are American women looking for? I don't mean to sound arrogant, but considering that I have a graduate degree, have an IQ 135, and am an 8 on a looks scale I thought I would be married by now. But all of the women I have dated have thought I wasn't good enough for them.What are these women looking for? I am very frustrated and close to giving up on American women and going abroad. What is up with American women? Why are they so entitled? And don't call me entitled, I'm sick of that. I have dated "down" before and would have been willing to take it further but the women all turn their noses. What is going on in this country? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Sounds like you need a makeover, or the horror you did not offer to pay when you were on the date. Do you have a stylish haircut? what did you wear? How are your teeth? Have a female coworker/friend update your look. We luv to do that. If you got it in the brains dept. the ONLY thing we pretty much reject is poor hygiene. Good luck to you. Usually the lady wonders why the guy disappears!
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 January 2011):
 First, dating abroad would be a great experience for you. Enjoy it.
Second, American women want strong, assertive, confident, dominant, masculine guys who don't put up with their nonsense. They want men with options - that is, guys who can leave them, and simply choose not to. They want guys that other women want. They want the guys who will tease them (not insult them, there's a difference), who make them laugh, who are in complete control of themselves, who rock their world in bed. They want guys who simply *don't care* what the woman in question thinks about him.
They want guys who give them drama, not contentment - a woman would rather be happy, sad, angry, sad, happy, angry, happy, sad, happy... and so on, then just happy. They want guys who listen to what they say only when it's consistent with their actions. They want guys who can judge them without making them feel judged.
They want guys who are just a little smarter than them (so the 135 IQ scares away any women with an IQ not between 120 and 130). They want guys in good shape, who can kick ass (take up a martial art), especially when the woman herself is not in good shape. They want guys they can't control.
When women say they want a nice man, they mean they want a guy who fits all the above traits, but is also nice to them, and his unpredictability works to her advantage.
The attitude a guy needs is "Make yourself worth my time, and I'll give you the best experience of your life. Waste my time, and I will forget your name by next week."
(In fairness to Americans, this is universal, western culture just fails to suppress the worst aspects of male and female sexuality)
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A
female
reader, lija30 +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Well it seems you have looks and the money the only thing is you lack personality and interest. Confidence is sexy, A good looking man is sexy, a screwed up personality is not sexy.Where are you going on your dates? Are you bringing sex up too soon? do you come off as a pervert? Are you too agreesive or controlling? Do you talk about your self alot? Do you have a ego issue? Its not all the women in the country so it must be you. Something about you is not appealing and you need to work on that. I watched millionaire matchmaker on tv and this guy had money and looks where okay but he was so weird and creepy no girl wanted to date him. Money doesnt matter nor looks. If you want to be married and have someone be good to you then put your self in a target rich environment and date people that share your same interests. I quit dating three years ago and now i know what i want clearly and I know how to treat a man better than I could years ago. So you just need to look back at what you are doing or saying and fix it.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (8 January 2011):
It's all about confidence and attitude. You have to project that you enjoy life to its fullest and that you will have your fun with or without the woman you're on a date with, so it is her loss if she chooses not to come along. You also can't come across as too interested. Quality women play hard to get, and they like guys who are a challenge as well. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, somedayillflyaway +, writes (8 January 2011):
Maybe there is nothing wrong with either of you. Perhaps the women you like are not compatible with you. Also you sound like perhaps you might be trying too hard. Sometimes if you are too aggressive on dates it can come off as desperate or overbearing and that scares off dates. Also, be careful that you don't cross the line from confidence into arrogance. There is a very fine line between the two. While yes, women do want a man who is smart, physically attrractive, etc, we also want him to be grounded, humble and accessible. Maybe you give off the vibe that you think they are beneath you, and no one likes to feel that way. My advice to you would be to see dates as just a way to get out and meet new people without so many expectations. Just enjoy their company and if they don't want a 3rd date, then don't take it so personally and move on instead of blaming them. Also when you go on a date, don't talk about all the things that are so great about you. She will find out in due time, and if you keep talking about you job, education, your IQ, etc you will come off as either arrogant, self absorbed or inaccessible, even if you are not any of those things. Dates are meant to be relaxing and fun but you make it sound as though they are auditioning to be your wife. Anyway, good luck, I hope you find the right woman for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): The best way to find out whats going wrong is to ask the women concerned. 6 years of dating and never getting to a 4th date doesnt sound right by any standards. I think your answer lies within the women themselves. If youve got a few numbers, start contacting them. Open with the fact that youre doing it for 'research' and ask them why things never progressed. They hold the answers.
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