A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend on 3rd july 2004 on my 18th birthday, he was my first big relationship and my first love. We have been together for over 6 years and it has been very up and down with one or two break ups.when ever we split i am convinced that it is for good reason at the time but then i can't seem to cope without him and end up having him back.I think it may be because i don't have anyone else where i live to help me through it, my family are all over the place and i left home and moved when i was 16 so lost contact with school friends years ago. Whereas we live in the town he grew up in so he is surrounded by friends and family and seems to find it much easier than me.Since i met him i have qualified as a hairdresser, passed my driving test, worked hard and started a mobile hairdressing business and though i have tried to encourage him to better himself he's done nothing, He has had the same part time job for 5 years and i feel like for every step i take forward he is pulling me back.He is 30 with no ambition and i'm still young enough to move on with my life so why can't i end it when i have the chance? i love him but i'm not happy and he's not getting it, shouldnt he know me by now?
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 It's a sad reality that people grow apart sometimes. I don't envy the position you're in, but I think you'll be happier in the long run. It's good (and very mature) that you don't want to change him. That's an attitude that I hope carries forward into future relationships as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks dirtball, i know i will never change him and i can't say that i want too either. He is a good person but i know he's not the one for me anymore he says im too deep and i make him feel stupid when i try to talk to him.
so i suppose its not fair on him if i stay when we're obviously not compatable, so here comes the hard part....
thanks again for your advice
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 November 2010):
It's hard to walk away from those we care about. It's also hard to watch them not live up to the potential we see in them. Sometimes as people mature (or don't) the things that were once enduring about someone become the things you hate about them. I know this happened to a good friend of mine with her high school sweetheart. She thought he'd grow up like she was... When he didn't, it eventually led to their divorce.
He has to want to change for himself. He has no motivation to change because he doesn't think you'll actually leave him and he seems pretty content.
You're right that he should know you by now, and maybe he does, or maybe he's just gotten lazy. Ultimately you have to decide what you want for yourself. With a mobile business, you should be able to take it anywhere, so you don't need to stay in this town surrounded by everyone he knows.
Do what's right for you. If he loves you, then he'll want your happiness first. Your seriousness about this topic can't waiver. Good luck!
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