A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i need to break up with my boyfriend, because he is controling and overbearing. the proplem is i dont know how i tried too twice already and it went knowhere we got back together. so how should i put it to him, he always would just get mad and said he loved me and that it would break his heart and that it was a silly reason for me wanting to break up, just because he never called, or then never told me he had been married and was seperated but not divorced. thes maybe small incidences but they grow bigger and its not like they were isolated ive been in an abusive relationship bfore and this has all the signs, i got out of the last one with help from my parents proplem is i cant ask them for help this time, how do i put it and then just walk away? with out it turning into an argument and getting back together?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Or, you can pack your bags and leave and not answer his phone and not do anything at all to contact him again. You have already told him twice you want out. He'll understand you were serious when you suddenly disappear. It might not be "nice", but he hasn't really left you with much option.
A
female
reader, drog  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 The problem is that he is using your argument and making it work for himself, keeping you guys in the relationship. He is using your reasons to change the argument around. The truth is, you don't have to justify yourself to him. You don't have to tell him why you don't want to be with him. And do not let him think that you do, because that's exactly what he wants. Be sure to have packed your bags before you do so, so as to get the message across better and leave once and for all.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 November 2010):
You gather your belongings from his place and then call him one day and tell him, or text him, and break up. Then you turn your phone off after the message has been delivered. Do not answer his calls, do not reply to any texts, e-mails etc. And if you need to contact him, have a friend do it for you.
It might sound harsh, but you have tried twice already, you know you want out. So do this, then give it a couple of weeks and perhaps he was accepted the break-up and you will be able to communicate in a civilized manner. You need to wait even longer before you can attempt at being friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Just walk away is exactly what you need to do. Why are you trying to avoid an arguement, sometimes these things are inevitable. I recomend you just tell him its over and you do not want to see or hear from him again and simply have nothing else to say. Don't give in to his emotional blackmail, don't react to anything he has to say, just repeat its over and leave. It may be best to do this in a public place in easy reach of help should you need it. Once you've done the deed, don't contact him again and don't respond to his attempts to contact you.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 November 2010):
 He convinced you that your reasons for dumping him weren't good by basically controlling you? Wow. He's got some skills.
You just need to stick to your guns. Don't let him argue. If he gets angry then that just solidifies why he's not good for you. It's good that you're recognizing the warning signs before anything physical has happened. Don't let him convince you otherwise. That's his way of reinforcing that what you want doesn't matter. YOU MATTER!
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 You just need to tell him straight... You are controlling, overbearing and i don't want to be with you anymore. Yes it seems overly harsh, but he'll never get it if you pussy foot around it.
Be honest with him and tell it like it is! Good luck, it's always hard to break up with someone x
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