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female
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anonymous
writes:I'm a shy person, always have been. However the other night I went out to a dinner party with my bf and all his friends (who i dont know very well) and of course I was going to be shy, however my bf thinks my shyness that night was just plain rude.I know that I was being more shy and quiet then normal but I had good reasons to be. I was incredibly upset about something that night, so therefor I found it hard ot make conversation with anyone or to continue a conversation if someone was talking to me. My bf says hes embarrased and disapointed in me, because after I left early ( i had work early the next morning) his friends all quesiotned my behaviour.I can see how that was hard for him, but even after I explained to him that I was upset, that being the reason for my "rude behaviour" he still doesnt seem to accept it. He is angry at me for embarasing him and he says his friends think there is 'soemthing wrong with me'. When they asked him if I was ok and why I was acting like I was, instead of telling them that I was upset about something, he said I was just shy, so basicaly he didnt give his frends the chance to understand why I was like Iwas.I dont know what to do. I told my bf that in future situation I will try not to let my emotions get in the way, but he is still cranky at me. I dont know what more I can do, besides let him get over it by himself?I feel like a horrible person. I feel like im not good enough for him because he thinks im too shy and rude. Im having difficulty dealing with all this, and its brought up so many insecurities. He has never said before he was embarrased or disapointed in me, but now he has, it has really hurt my feelings. Why cant my bf just understand that I was upset about something and Im not one to try and hide my emotions because I simply just cant put on a happy act? Why cant he be more understanding?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionleonard j.Douglas- i was just reading over your answer again and thought how accurate and right you were! i have broken up with that guy and what you said is EXACTLY wht my mum said when i finally confessed to her how my ex bf had been treating me.
gives me alot of assurance that you and her were right, since you both had the same opinion. ive come to the conclusion that hes a narrsisist...well atleast has a fair few of a narrsistist charactertistics.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks leonard j.Douglas, but i still find it hard to blame him if anyone, because he seems to be blaming me and i honestly blame myself too. however i have talked to 3 friends about it and they basicaly agree with you, and think he isnt being understanding enough and is worrying to much about his friends.
what realy gets me is when he has been out with my friends, sometimes hes been in a bad mood and been pretty rude/non talkative to them, however i never wnat off at him about it, i accepted that he wasnt feeling to great that day, and that was it. why cant he do the same for me? he seems to have double standards in SO many areas of our relationship.
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reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (30 July 2007):
Hey! Sweetheart, your bf is on an ego trip wanting to look good with his friends. And he is the one who is at fault, not you. He knew that you are a shy person. And he had no right to put you into a position that made either of you look bad in front of his friends. Yes! Some "friends" who talk about you when you are not even there. He may call them friends. But they sound more like a bunch of Back-Stabbers to me. And who needed them? It kind of looks to me that he has an over-load of ME, ME, ME. and very little in the area of WE,WE,WE. And if there is any blame,it's on his shoulders, not your's. YOU are not a horrible person, and in fact, I would say too damn good for the likes of him. And if he cannot,or won't, change his Sh-ty self ego, I would be moving out of his Brain-Dead, Controling, Egocentric Meism. Please, Let him read this, Perhaps it will be a wake-up call for him.
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reader, DJ8433  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 I feel that it is not him that you should be looking at for change but that YOU should find someone that will support you for who you are. Most importantly someone that will take the time to compromise. If you feel your shyness may be a little more serious then take steps to resolve this.
f you expect of others, what you expect of yourself, then you will surely be disappointed.
The bottom line is to feel happy, and this relationship does not seem to be doing that.good luck darling xox {My Aussie fiancee saw your question, and felt the need to respond}
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