A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering something. You know how they say you shouldn't see anyone who's really older than you, like in a loving way? like say you're a teen who likes or thinks you're in love with someone say in their 20's or 30's. say you're like 14 and you like someone who is 26. and you find out they like you back. If it's love like that, like you both want each other, why is it illegal to just be with the one you love? Not sexually, just together. I was just curious as why the law has to come between true love. If nothing bad ever happens and you know it, but someone else buts in and sees you two together and turn you in, how can the police break you up if no wrong doing was done? I've just always wondered that. Any responses will be appreciated :) Please don't be harsh! it was just a question. Thanx lots! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): From my various experiences, I strongly advise you to not sleep with a 26 year old. Girls at your age should try to look for guys around your ages or say around my ages 18-19.
You still have plenty of time to love someone, don't be so hasty in thinking this guy really loves you. You are only 14, take your time and look. There is bound to be some boys around your age or a little older who are just as nice and respectful to you.
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (19 August 2008):
 I'm sorry, but the last answer was just not good advice for you. Please do not "go for it" because if you care about this guy, you will not risk him going to jail.
The advice telling you that this relationship would be a bad idea couldn't be more correct.
Think of a the phrase "a guy of 26." What imagery does this conjur up? You can probably imagine him with a wife, maybe starting a family, solid job? Yeah, he could be single but what's he really looking for? It's most likely two things :
Sex and short term relationships
or
A solid relationship to lead to marriage. His body clock is mosy likely gonna make him think about settling down at around 25 -30 ish I'd guess.
And so if he's looking for sex or a relationship to bring a family into the world.. which one do you reckon he's gonna ask of a 14 year old? Do you reckon he's gonna get down on one knee and propose to a 14 year old?
I think if he's gonna date a 14 year old, he's gonna be just looking for sex.
You are both in completley different areas of your lives.
Please do not get wound up with a guy who's so much older than you, I know you're not looking for sex, but a fully grown man will be looking for more than dating I'd expect.
Be careful hun.
xx
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A
female
reader, lois-mcphee  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 im sorry ut the guy below has just ticked me off bgitime i asked the very same question yesterday???
i asked a teacher taht i like sooooooooo abdy and he likes me back why w couldnt even see each other and hes 26 and im 14 and he said
"because its illegal"and whn i asked why he said it just is i nw live with my sister and her boyf after my parenst found out id been chatting to this 26 yr old guy and i dont know why its illegal cuz just wish i could be with him to chat and to cuddl up to and to talk 2 when times get hard..
i realy love this guy...and he seeems to like me too xx
i say go for it just dont get caught as your relationship will go on the brink when hes in jail...
msg me let m eknow how things g
o on!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Bacause what these people are trying to say is that a relationship will more than likely lead to sex.
do you really think that this guy wants a relationship with someone almost young enough to be his daughter?!
it is wrong, and i know because i am someone who made the mistake of being so naive when i was your age and the guy was only five years older!
At the end of the day ask yourself
- Why isnt this guy with someone of his own age?
surely that is weird to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): It's illegal in order to keep you safe, hon. When I was 14, I lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew who was in his mid twenties. I don't regret it as such, but I sometimes wish I'd waited. I know it sounds silly, but when you're that age, you're very impressionable and easily led. I was led into doing it with him, partly because he was persuasive, and partly because it seemed like the 'cool' thing to do, at that age. Anyway, I was lucky in that he was actually a very nice guy (and he thought I was older)and that nothing horrible happened to me. However, in a lot of cases, the younger girl puts herself in great danger in getting into sexual relationships with older men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Unfortunately 26 year old guys usually don't just want to be together... Sexually they are more experienced than your average 14 year old girl, and believe me, going without it is often out of the question for them. When I was 14 I also believed in true love, but the older you get the more you realise that it does not really exist. Most men are only after sex, especially the ones that goes for school girls....
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): 14year olds and people in their twenties and thirties
have very different expectations about what a relationship
should be . the truth is 14 is still just a kid who is becoming and adult and 26 is an adult and it inappropriate
for an adult to date someone underage .Besides 26 yearolds
rarely ever date without having sex. so it's illegal.
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A
female
reader, rubespice27 +, writes (25 July 2008):
 because its not right he cant really like you back honey u guys have nothing in common im sorry if anything hes trying to get in your pants i feel for you its happenede to me but dont fall for it
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): hey im 20 but when i was 13 i fell in love with a 23 years old. I know how u feel yeah it kinda sounds sick but i also looked like i was 17 and thats how old he thought i was intill he got horny pressured me into sick he took my virginty and at the time it seemed right cuz we were in love,right? Things were great....until he found someone else. Im not dumb i never thought it would be sexually relationship and he wasnt like the rest of those guys that just want it but i was wrong and yeah my bff is 20 and is dating a 36 year old. Whats the diff? If u guys want 2 be 2gether then just be 2gether yeah ppl will talk their shit but u know whats right from wrong yeah you still have so much to learn and you u might look back and be like omg i cant believe i did that or u can be like me and learn from mistakes.well good luck and i hope it works so u can prove it right to all these ppl that dont understand ur position.;)
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Yeah, that doesnt usually happen!!!
Especially if the older one is a guy!!!! It always leads to sex.
Someone smart once said "You can't be a friend with woman, because woman is your fantasy" ... I dont know who was it tho. But its true ... even if you are friends for a while ..which is definetely possible .. things will go further than that.it will just not stop on that, unless he is gay and he has no interest in you whatsoever!
If you will just be friend with him forever . he will go and find someone else to have normal sexual relationship with ...
oh not mentioning ..that 14 and 26 - om .. yeah .. THATS NOT GOING TO WORK!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I think your real question is why do people think it's wrong for two people who are (let's use your example), 12 years apart to love each other. I mean if you both genuinley love each other, it shouldn't be wrong. I believe that that law is wrong. If you love the person without being forced to love him, the law has no right to butt in and break it up. People just see it as wrong ethically and morally that a person under 18 should be dating a person who is over 18. In truth, if you love him as much as it seems you do, and he loves you in return, you should try and not get him into trouble because no matter how many young women complain about loving older men and it being illegal, the law isn't going to change. Also, it's illegal because many men out there don't really LOVE younger girls, they're just sick, twisted, perverts. The law is just trying to protect the young women of our country. Try and understand that he could get into a lot of trouble and hold on until your 18th birthday. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (25 July 2008):
 The problem isnt that its wrong for two people to be together as girlfriend and boyfriend if nothing sexually happens, the problem is that this doesnt happen. It always turns sexual because all one of you needs is to be a little aroused by what the other says and then your in a sexual relationship. That is what the law is trying to stop! Young girls who think they know what they want, and think that their bodies are ready for sex when their body hasnt even formed properly. That is what law is trying to do, protect the innocence of young people.
When you are older, like my age, trust me you will thank God for these laws. I have seen so much in my life that it would make even the most heartless of person teary eyed!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Stricly speaking, if you are pubescent (breast and hair growth, period) then is he a ephebophile NOT a pedophile. Common mistake but one that gets on my nerves.
Attraction to young girls is NORMAL, every male has it. This has been tested by showing people images of people and monitoring their response. Young girls with developing bodies are attractive to ALL hetero males.
So why is it illegal? Because just because you are attracted to something doesn't mean you should be allowed to go after it especially if it might cause harm.
Western society sees people your age as not yet ready to make decisions, you can't buy anything expensive at your age for instance. There is also the risk that someone significantly older then you, might have power over you.
The law is there to protect you from those who would abuse you and keep you safe until you are old enough to be accountable for your own actions.
But what about true love? Well, the simple answer is that time fixes that problem. All you got two got to is wait, surely true love can wait 4 years? Then you will be a legal adult and nobody can stop you from seeing him.
It also handily stops pedophiles, because they loose interest, not being in love with the person/child but with their child body.
The law exist to protect you, to give you time to growup, learn the rules of the world before having to fully take part in it.
Be honest, would you say that right now, when you feel ready to choose a man to be with, you feel ready to drive a car? Own a home? Sign a contract? Work for your own living? Vote responsibly?
No, we make you wait to do all those things, hoping that as your grow up you will learn to deal with these responsiblities.
It is not about how responsible you are (although falling in love with a guy nearly twice your age doesn't seems a good sign to me) but about ALL kids your age. The law can't be based on individuals, so society set an age, below this you cannot have sex, above this you can, because it is the best way to ensure both protection of the young and the freedom of adults.
Just wait 4 years, if you really are mature enough to date a man this old, then you should be mature enough to wait this out.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 July 2008):
The reason the law exists is that most men who find 14 yearolds attractive and want to have relationships with them are paedophiles.
If it really is true love as you claim then you can stay friends with him and wait till you are 18 before you start having any further contact.
The police can't stop you from being his friend and even from going out and having fun with him. However if he spends time alone with you then they can accuse him of grooming you and molesting you, even if you tell them he didn't.
See him in public places only as just as a friend until you are older, and then it will be ok.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I'm the poster of this question:
The way they formed the question is not what I was asking.
I had no intentions of it meaning sleeping together, just being together. NOT HAVING SEX!!!
Please read it over and think of it differently and not as the way the questions posts.
Thank you!
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