A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, Im 19 years old and I have just split up with my boyfriend today. I love him so much but he hits me he has left me with so many bruises and he has kicked me round the head today and pushed me off a tree. He has also been txting other girls, one minute he says he loves me the next he tells me he hates me. I have big lips and big eyes, same with this one minute he says he loves that about me and the next minute is calling me an ugly googly eyed bitch/cow! I cry EVERY single day because of the pain he puts me through and the things he says to me. Tells me no one will ever be interested in me because Im so ugly. I never used to think I was ugly until he drilled it into my head im hideous. I left ALL my friends for him, basically dropped my life for him. Now hes gone I have no one at all. I dont know how to make any new friends. I really want new friends to go out with and spend my time with but cant make friends easily. I really dont know how to make friends but I need to start my life again. Please help me! Thank you x
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female
reader, freeatlast!  +, writes (10 October 2008):
Hello,
I am in pretty much the same sitation as you are - but I am 39! so be happy you have plenty of time to make new GOOD PEOPLE friend. Seriously I know you are lonely but take your time & as Erikah Badu says pick your friends like you pick your fruit. Your old boyfriend was bruised and rotten & there is no way you could make him fresh again! What I did is I thought about all the fun things I used to do long before I met him. I feel so much better that I can enjoy life again(I know it isn't the same w/o bf, but men are like trains another one will come along soon) I went scuba diving last weekend & I am going to be meeting lots of new people at church. Even though I am not a hard core alcohol I went to an AA meeting just so I wouldn't have to be home alone all night - I am trying to cut back on partying, but I am not committing to never having a beer or two again. Just put yourself out there doing things you like and next time find a guy you actually enjoy spending time doing things you have in common.
A
female
reader, freeatlast! +, writes (10 October 2008):
Hello,
I am in pretty much the same sitation as you are - but I am 39! so be happy you have plenty of time to make new GOOD PEOPLE friend. Seriously I know you are lonely but take your time & as Erikah Badu says pick your friends like you pick your fruit. Your old boyfriend was bruised and rotten & there is no way you could make him fresh again! What I did is I thought about all the fun things I used to do long before I met him. I feel so much better that I can enjoy life again(I know it isn't the same w/o bf, but men are like trains another one will come along soon) I went scuba diving last weekend & I am going to be meeting lots of new people at church. Even though I am not a hard core alcohol I went to an AA meeting just so I wouldn't have to be home alone all night - I am trying to cut back on partying, but I am not committing to never having a beer or two again. Just put yourself out there doing things you like and next time find a guy you actually enjoy spending time doing things you have in common.
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A
female
reader, rubespice27 +, writes (25 July 2008):
 you did the first step already by leaving him now leave him in the past and rember love dosnt hurt
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (25 July 2008):
 I agree with the previous post. I would also like to suggest that you get in touch with an old friend. Maybe they would accept you back in their life. Old friends can sometimes be very forgiving, especially considering what you have gone through. They may even be happy that you came to your senses and are trying to leave the guy that tore your friendship apart in the first place.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 You have been the victim of a very abusive relationship, not just physical abuse but emotional as well.
It reads as a classic abuse post, the only thing that stands out is that you are not making excuses for him or saying that you love him so much and want to stay with him.
You got out on your own. Good job, stay that way.
But don't try to get over the abuse on your own, if you can't. There are others who have been through this and there are support options availabe. Sometimes what is important to heal from things like this is to know that you are not alone. That it isn't just you.
Try and find out what helps there is for domestic violence survivors in your area.
As for making new friends. The easiest way is to join a club or something similar that you enjoy doing where there are other people. Volunteer work can also be a great way to meet people.
Don't focus on making friends so much as getting out there again with other human beings who don't seek to control you (that is what calling you ugly and getting you to give up your friends was about).
Best of luck, the hardest part is over, hope you get back on your feet soon.
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