A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is smokin' hot. We both have really deep feelings for eachother. He wants sexual activity, but the idea to me makes me gag. Normally I love being sexual with my boyfriend but its different for him. Why aren't I sexually attracted to him when he's the hottest guy I've dated? I've asked so many people for advice but no one seems to get it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 could be a few reasons - the chemistry is not right, or he is trying to get you to have sex too soon in the relationship, or you may have trust issues around him, or you may have been hurt in past relationships, or his personality is lacking in something, or he doesn't touch or kiss you in a way that turns you on or maybe as he is so good looking this may be making you feel a bit insecure with him or you don't love him enough or love him enough yet OR a mixture of some or all of the above
x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): I guess the real question is why do you think he is so "smokin hot"?
What makes him look that way to you?
Does the way you see him make you feel inferior, ugly, or "not smokin hot" to yourself (not that he actively does this but say someone who feels average in their own mind might be a bit intimidated by someone who is a professional model).
A lot of sexual attraction and activity is guided not by what we think about the other person, but what we think about ourselves when we are with the other person.
This is one of the reasons men often have affairs with women who are physically/psychologically not as attractive as their spouses are...same applies to women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): You don't mention how long you have known each other. But having sex is not a good idea untill you really know it is the right person. It doesn't benefit you in any way.
Sleeping with someone just because they are 'hot' is like using each other with no commitment, values or priorities about life in consideration. This impacts on a lot of things. Anyway attraction is not really physical for a lot of mature people who are in tune with themselves (the way it should be). It is often a case of being about trust, knowing the other person well, commitment, loyalty and a fun!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 June 2011):
 The only thing I can think of is that there may well be something about his personality that turns you off.
And, I have to say, it could be literally ANYTHING. Even something that doesn't seem rational when you think about it - a little mannerism he has, for example. Or perhaps its the way he combs his hair....possibly his table manners leave something to be desired; or maybe he uses slang/cuss words too much for your liking......some relatively little thing that you hardly notice at the time, yet in some sense you DO notice it, and it rubs you the wrong way.
On the other hand,(and more obviously)maybe you and he just don't have too much in common or compatible values, to be really comfortable together.
One thing: if you don't want to get sexual with him, then you shouldn't. Of course, you can't tell him your gut reaction to the idea, as that would really hurt his feelings!
Maybe you'd best think about what it is that is so offputting and whether you can overcome it. If you find you can't, then it might be necessary to gently end it.
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