A
female
age
30-35,
*urtandUnsure
writes:Something I don't think I will ever really understand is relationships among women. Specifically friendships. I have never been apart of the 'girls' clique. Ever. Not even when I was a child! To this day I am still faced with this problem. I literally have one female friend that I can talk to about anything, but the only problem is I can only see her/speak with her maybe 2-3 time out of the year. In my group of friends, I always find myself hanging with the guys, not that its a bad thing. But I never get invited to chill with the girls, and if I casually drop in on the group of girls, Im not really welcomed. I've known the females in out group for 8 months!!Why is it so hard for women to let me into their circle?? I've never given them a reason not to, but I feel like my not being the clique, gossiping, drama filled woman, I'm being excluded from any kind of female friendships. I just don't know what to do, and this sounds terribly pathetic...help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Risingstar624 +, writes (17 January 2012):
You are not an anomaly. Women in cliques can be very hesitant to allow a new girl into the circle. When you join a group there are already friendships established and they feel threatened by someone upsetting the balance of their group. This is especially true with groups of women that have guys in their clique. i do not know why but women can be very possessive of the male attention in their group regardless of if they are romantically involved. My advice if there are men involved in the group is be nice to them but focus more of your attentions to the girls in the group so they know you aren't going to take away any of their male attention. Regardless of if there are guys in the group you should try to establish one good friend in the group of girls. She will vouch for you when the other girls (if the other girls) question your presence. Be warm and inviting but don't try too hard to impress them. Remain true to yourself and just let the girls see how cool you are to be around. The number one attraction to anyone is confidence. The fact that you are questioning yourself will show when you enter into a group of girls. No one wants to hang around with someone who feels awkward around everyone. Be confident and pay attention to what they are saying and try and chip in now and again but not too much to be considered trying too hard. Girls are very weird and there is a fine line to walk. Im sorry if this is convoluted but its the best I can do to explain. Bottom line, befriend one, befriend them all. Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): YouWish is on point. Follow her advice.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 January 2012):
 It depends partially on where you live (different regions tend to have women who are more or less open), and partially on whether or not you're meeting people with common interests.
That being said, it depends MOSTLY on you. I've learned that if you want to be invited to cliques, you must be outgoing and willing to FIRST make friendship overtures, including inviting other possible friends out for coffee or whatever. You won't get anywhere being all shy and closed up, and your body language will reflect that.
Not only that, but you need to change your attitude towards women. You've already negatively labelled them as "Gossiping, drama filled women". Of course you'll be excluded if you're giving off vibes that you don't like women anyways.
Cast off those stereotypes of drama and gossip and shopaholic or whatever. Women are AMAZING friends and listeners. Women who are friends will go through the fire with you. I was always a tomboy growing up, but my best friends ever have been girly girls.
So go out there and be friendly and make some effort, because waiting for someone to break through your wall of prejudice and shyness will not work at all, leaving your more frustrated and feeling lonely, which then feeds the attitude more, which gives off the vibe that makes people think you're cranky and snobbish.
Good luck!
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