A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have realised that I am a very self absorbed person. Everything that happens, the first thing I do is think about how things affect me before I think about how someone else may be feeling or how they will cope.This is a not very nice part of my character but just trying to will myself not to be like that does not seem to be working.I've also tied keeping a gratitude journal and affirmations.Anyone else got ideas and is there anyone else that has this problem and tried to fix it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): get involved with non-profit volunteer work to help those less fortunate than you. Do this not just as a one-off or one-time thing, but make it a regular commitment so you will be reminded often that other people have it a lot worse than you and that your problems pale in comparison to theirs.
trying to force yourself to be grateful for what you have is a good idea, but if all you've ever known is your own cushy life then it's limited in depth simply because you have limited experiences to draw upon. If you widen your horizons and get involved in the struggles and despair of the less fortunate, it will be an eye opener. Do this on a regular basis, and you will soon start to see the world a lot differently than you do now.
another thing is maybe it's the opposite situation of what I just said. maybe you have a 'victim mentality' which is why you are self absorbed. Maybe you have suffered unfairly in the past or present and experienced a life where every change that happens is only leading to something even worse than before. If so, then your self absorption is a fear reaction, fear of what more terrible things the future will bring. It's hard to NOT be self absorbed if you are barely struggling to keep your life from falling apart. if this is the case, I don't think you should beat yourself up over being self absorbed because it is a survival mechanism that is meant to spur you to action to obtain what you need for basic security. THEN once you have achieved some basic level of security you will find yourself being able to care more about others.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): When you have children your focus changes..not that I am suggesting that you rush out and get pregnant
Why not do something voluntary, that involves helping others less fortunate, just go once a week, an evening maybe.That way you focus on them and helping them improve their situation or make it easier.
I do think its natural to think how things will affect us though, but only like 'where does that leave me' type of thing.Being self-absorbed constantly is completely different thing.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Sounds like a noble endeavor. Try visiting this website for some ideas on how to help others, which seems to be the goal of your post: http://www.actionforhappiness.org/take-action
If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, the self-preservation mode is one that you need for survival. As you are apparently no longer in survival mode, now set a plan to help others.
You just need to flex your philanthropic muscles a bit, if they aren't used enough. I would recommend starting a yoga practice and meditation as another way to becoming more other-aware, instead of just self-aware. Find a good teacher, that's the most important thing.
Good luck!
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