A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why are the people I work with so nasty? I'm so upset:(?I've gotten a new job 2 months ago and I love my job but the people I work with are just pure nasty and bitchy.They are all friends and one big group and they've just left me out.I had an argument with of the girls today.I got really upset and told my manager and she called the girl and the girl just lied.My manager told us to get on and work together.I'm good at my job and I love what I do but I just can't take it anymore.I just hate the place. But I really need this job. What do I do?
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female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole  +, writes (11 July 2013):
 Don't take it personally, I'm sure the reason they're acting this way actually has nothing to do with you. Usually, the reason behind this kind of behavior is jealousy. Just keep that in mind. Don't argue with them anymore, it only motivates them to keep acting this way if they can see it bothers you. Next time one of them says something, make a joke about it. If they see you can laugh at yourself, it will no longer be fun for them. Above all, don't let it effect your work. That's probably what those women are trying for. They feel threatened by you, perhaps by your job performance, so they're doing everything they can to distract you so you'll screw up. Or, it could just be something superficial like they think you're more attractive than they are. Are they a good deal older than you, by chance?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): Sorry your work colleagues are upsetting you...The secret is to keep being yourself - day in and day out, stay true to yourself, and eventually resistance will crumble with some of them.They are feeling threatened by the newbie, and sometimes it is also about misconceptions or misunderstandings - e.g. sometimes they think the new person is getting paid more and they resent you for it, even if it's not true. Different things like that which get miscommunicated and you suffer for it until they realise what is true and what is not.So it needs time, patience, and persistance - and you need to stay the same, don't change, don't drop to their level, don't get involved in the gossip, just be sunny, bright, professional, level headed, someone they want to be around, and eventually one if not more will be drawn to you and your friendship and they will tell their colleagues and you will eventually be welcomed, if not made part of their clique - if by then it's something you even want, based on how they act until then.You actually have a lot of power right now - you know you, they don't. You know what you are capable of, they don't. So it's for you to know and them to find out, if you choose to let them. Yes, taking it to a Manager doesn't always help - and may even make things worse. They are testing the boundaries of what they can get away with. Stay strong.Don't let them intimidate you, or lose your job over it. You like what you do, you're good at it, so persist.Try to stick it out for a couple of months, at least 6 months, and if things don't change, then consider your options. Even though you need the job, there are more out there, just like in relationships if you are not happy, you don't have to suffer, there are other options out there. P.S.(I'm talking from experience, I went through the same thing. With time, being ME eventually won them out. Then I found out a story had circulated when I started there that I earned more than them. When it became clear it wasn't true, that plus the rest of the preconceived ideas disappeared and I became part of the team. In fact, I've left that company many years ago but one of the girls in that team is now my best friend) so stay yourself, and in time, you will win some if not all to you :)Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Hey, sorry you're feeling so low. Being the new girl is usually hard. These girls are testing you. Being new, you are threatening to disrupt the status quo, the stability of the group. The bitchiness is to put you in your place, make sure you don't try and become top dog (bitch).The reaction could be particularly strong because you are very good looking, you are very good at your job, the boss seems to like you, or it's just a plain bitchy and competitive environment. It's hard to say, because I don't know you. However, what I do know for sure is that bitchiness like this always stems from insecurities.It's not about you, per se.So, to deal with it, remember you're great, just great. Let the words wash over you. Get on with the job, don't let the bitches see they're getting to you, start ignoring it.Gradually you'll start meeting people in 1-1 situations eg at coffee machine etc. Be friendly, funny and confident. But keep it light.One by one they will realise you're OK, not a threat, someone they want to be friends with.You have the advantage of already knowing the character of certain people, so can decide how close you let them come.It may be that in this job, you really keep most people at arm's length, but you're still able to get on with them in work-related matters.Summary: it's not you, it's them; don't let them get to you; give it time.Good luck
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