A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today I had a conversation with a guy who found out I'm gay. Him - It's fine with me, just don't come on to me. Me - Don't worry, you're not my type. Him - What do you mean I'm not your type? Me - I don't find you attractive.Him - Are you saying I'm ugly? Me - I'm saying I don't find you attractive, there are certain things I look for in a guy and you don't have them. Him - But you like men and I'm a man too. What's wrong with me?I don't quite understand it. Why do straight men get so upset when a gay guy says he's not into them? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (11 November 2019):
Ego! Ego! Ego! That’s what the other posters are emphasising here and they’re right. That is combined with an apparently poor understanding of what it means to be gay. For some men, the idea that a straight guy doesn’t find every woman attractive is easy to get their heads around, but the idea that a gay man wouldn’t secretly want to ravish them given the chance is unbelievable. This guy probably wouldn’t take rejection from a woman well either. But it’s probably especially crushing if he believes the idiotic notion that a gay man would go for anything with the right bits between his legs. There’s probably a bit of insecurity underneath the bluster too.
This is not generalisable to all straight men, of course. You’ve just found one with issues. I would never ask someone if they were attracted to me as a first question after finding out he is gay. I’d only ask if I got some clear signs that he might be interested, and if I thought I may actually do anything with the information.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (9 November 2019):
 I agree with the other aunts... It's an ego being bruised that's the problem. I know loads of people that may not want someone but still want to be admired by that person regardless, just to feel like they've got it going on. It's so weird but hey, that's probably the reason why.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 November 2019):
 Its all about the ego. WiseOwl gave a fabulous answer as always. It would appear your friend thinks quite highly of himself and was stunned to think you wouldn't be attracted to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2019): You know exactly why...ego! You're a gay-man, and our presumed-nature is to be constantly aware of our sexuality and uncontrollably promiscuous. They all think they've heard or know about us! Our stereotypical-behavior defines us as a group.
We gay-men are supposed to be indiscriminately-attracted to men. Straight-men think we'll come-onto anything with a penis.
If only they really knew how picky we gay-guys can be about what we find attractive! Just like they have their set-criteria about women; we have ours set for the types of men we find attractive.
I've been asked by my straight-buddies; if gay-men would find them "hot." Indirectly meaning, would "I" grade them highly by the gay-standard of hotness? Some I would, and some I lied! I didn't want to attack his self-esteem. So, I had to say "yes! Adding the disclaimer that gay-guys might be more attracted towards his "butchness!" They don't know what that means; but I had to say something to keep from hurting their feelings. My straight-friends have high regard for my opinions. I don't give them out as freely in the real-world, as I do here. Opinions are sought in open-forum on this site. The real-world doesn't always appreciate the truth; or yours or my particular version of it.
Straight-men go to the gym, try to look their best, try to show fashion-sense; but females may not be as superficial as we gay-men can be about looks and physique. We can be quite harsh or judgy about fashion, hair-couture, beards, bums, abs, and pecs. You're not fit, unless your legs get a workout too! Top-heavy ain't cutting-it straight-boys! You look like rooster with a big chest and skinny-legs! If you're feeling good about your workout; don't ask your gay workout-buddy!
I have seen some jacked-up looking so-n-so's threatening gay-men in-front of gay bars. Practicing their homophobic vocabulary! Only to be told nobody wants a fat balding-troll! They were absolutely offended! It's almost hilarious! They started it, but ended-up being insulted; because they were called trolls! Just don't meet them in an alley, if you're that bold! It's odd it even bothered them!
You bruised his ego, because he's probably a good-looking guy by usual standards; you on the other-hand may have your own winning attributes that rival his. For you to tell him he's not your type, was also telling him he wouldn't meet the higher standards. That's a low-blow to your bro! He had it coming!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2019):
 Why didn't you just ask him? I mean it would have been the PERFECT time to have him explain that to you, since you were already talking about attraction, sexuality etc.
Instead you presume that total strangers on the internet can read his mind and tell you?
Or do you think ALL straight men MUST think alike?
OP, there is no way for any of us to know ,except perhaps that the guy is a bit full of himself and has quite an ego.
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