A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First Question:To all reading this I will keep this as short as possible. I work for a supermarket chain. There is a guy who is aged 37 in work and I am aged 28. We have been friends for just a year and I developed strong feelings for him but never really made it obvious to him or told him outright.I only just discovered last week that he is in a relationship with someone he met on possibly Tinder. I was heartbroken by this, so I told him in passing that I did not want to remain friends anymore and he replied wow... ok that is your decision, I turned around and he had an open mouthed expression for more than a few seconds. Then a few hours later he proceeded to block me on facebook. I sort of regret my decision but I am thinking of transferring stores to let go of him.Advice anyone?Thank you xXxSecond Question:To anyone taking the time out of their day to read this, I value you.I am feeing extremely low right now. I will keep this as brief as realistically possible. A guy who works with me is say aged 37 has been friends with me for just a year and I developed very strong feelings for him. Most of my colleagues look up to him and he is a gentleman in every way. I just got word today that he is in a relationship with somebody from Tinder site and this knocked the wind out of me. I told him today that over last few days I was feeling low and lacking motivation and he tried to work through it with me. I told him that I did not want to remain friends anymore and he exclaimed wow ok, that is your decision. When I left the room I saw that his expression was open mouthed for a long time, and when I got home I saw that he is no longer on my friends list and I cannot view his face-book profile. I am trying to keep myself healthy in the long run.I would love to hear answers. Thank you and God Bless.Kirsty X
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 November 2019):
 This guy did the smart thing by de-friending you on facebook as soon as you told him you didn't want to be his friend anymore …. your announcement out of the blue at work was probably a shock and he may now view you as a bit of a nut job.
If he is a person at work who most respect and look up to its also a good thing you are considering transferring, your actions (unwarranted in my opinion) demonstrate you would not be part of a strong, cohesive team at work.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 November 2019):
 He was probably "gobsmacked" by your announcement that you did not wish to remain friends because he ONLY saw you as a friend and friends do not normally make announcements like that out of the blue. It was a bit melodramatic, don't you think? You could have just quietly distanced yourself from him and not caused drama.
If you are taking this so badly, then you probably do need to move stores to help you get over the romance that never was. Imagine how you would have felt if you HAD had a relationship with him and it had ended. Does THAT alone not make you realize that you got off lightly and teach you that you should not mix work and romance?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 November 2019):
 If he is looking for partners on Tindr, he PROBABLY isn't looking for something long term. BUT he probably is looking OUTSIDE of work, which is smart.
Don't go looking for a partner at work, go out and socialize OUTSIDE of work with friends.
You had a crush on a co-worker, now it's time to move past that.
I think you were a BIT over the top with your whole "we can't be friends anymore" thing. This isn't high school, this is your place at work. OK, so he didn't like you to the same degree, it happens. He isn't a mind reader. IT IS not his fault that YOU developed a crush on him. You could just have done this without the "declaration", slowly.
Reality is that NOT everyone YOU find attractive, interesting or potentially dating-worthy is going to LIKE you back. IT happens. Yes, I can see it hurt to be "rejected" in a way, but again... HE isn't RESPONSIBLE for you developing a crush on him!
So what do you do? YOU accept that HE isn't the one for you. Or rather YOU weren't an option for him, romantically.
So GET on with life. Don't look at male coworkers as romantic options, you are more likely to make the work place awkward and drama filled, which isn't appropriate at all.
Focus on yourself and your job and SOCIALIZE outside of the work place from now on. TREAT your coworkers as coworkers, be professional. Doesn't mean you can't make friends at work, but DO try and keep romantic feelings out of that equation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2019): You'll get-over your crush. He is in a relationship; however he came by it, he's still taken. He owes you no apologies, and he was surprised by your sudden and abrupt decision to end what you called "friendship." If it was only friends, you have no reason or right to be jealous. He has a girlfriend, and made no romantic approach towards you. Despite your feelings of attraction; he apparently doesn't reciprocate.
The open-mouth was an expression of surprise, and the sudden realization of what was going on with you! He was taken aback by your notification that the friendship is terminated. Only you and he would know how you conducted yourself in the process. We could only guess! You must have acted as if you were breaking-up?!!
If you can change stores, do it. He has now figured-out that you are crushing on him; so he had to remove you from his contacts. So not to lead you on. He's off the market, and in a new relationship. It's best he didn't chit-chat or share social media contact with a female co-worker; that he has now determined fancies him. Why deal with the potential drama? Removing you was the right move, and respectful of his relationship. You ended the friendship first!
Don't take it too hard. These kinds of feelings pass. Working in a different market might help.
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A
male
reader, stanliwise  +, writes (10 November 2019):
 Except you didn't play your card right, if your green lights were ok and he didn't see it or he ignored it, then he isn't interested in you and he owes you NO apologies for you stopping the friendship of a thing.
It was a good thing both of you are no more friends which you secretly never wanted, you always wanted him as a lover, so be realistic, move ahead with your life and stop living in the world of fantasies.
For a year, he wasn't in to you and he didn't stop you from getting your own partner, so kill the grieve and move on. Repsect yourself, you're deserve someone who will like you back and make appropriate actions towards starting a relationship with you, don't throw down your value by chasing after a man who isn't interested in you romantically.
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