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Why are parents happy when a son loses his virginity, but not the daughter?

Tagged as: Family, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

why when a son lose his virginity, the parents are so happy and proud? But when a daughter lose her virginity, the parents are so upset and mad?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010):

Calico58 is being unfair. Women are not any more eager to let go of their own unfair biases than men are.

I originally made a more specific and much more persuasive comment about this, but this website would not post it yesterday. Maybe they will post this as long as it's too watered down to make the point well.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (6 March 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntThere are reasons for this tradition and custom.

Sleeping around is easier for women.

Women do more harm by sleeping around than men do.

Men have evolutionary reasons to be programmed to sleep around.

These three reasons are probably why the longstanding tradition came about of men being rewarded for multiple partners while women get socially punished for similar promiscuity.

reference;-

http://therawness.com/why-its-worse-for-women-to-sleep-around/

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010):

Most of these answers are wrong. These things are ingrained in our genetics by nature.

Any basic look at the math of reproduction indicates that the evolutionary advantage goes to males who have as many partners as possible, and to females who choose their partners as well as possible.

Keep blaming it all on men and outdated society if you want to, but that won't change the facts. It's totally natural and both genders are equally guilty of perpetuating it.

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A male reader, baddogbj China +, writes (5 March 2010):

baddogbj agony auntI don't think that many parents would be particularly "happy and proud" if their 14 or 15 year old son were to lose his virginity. I certainly wouldn't be. My thought process would be "Oh no, he's on the path to under achieving at school, he won't get in to a decent university and he's going to have to compete with 4 billion other under educated people for low wage jobs.

Now, if he were 19 or 20 years old and he was well dressed and taking good looking girl out to a party or a ball, well, then I might be happy and proud.

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A female reader, hijacked_dignity United States +, writes (5 March 2010):

hijacked_dignity agony auntI think it has a lot to do with pregnancy nowadays. No one wants to deal with a pregnant daughter. And for some reason, if their son gets some girl pregnant, that just isn't a concern. Sure you could bring in some historical references and religious blah blah blah, but I think that kind of thing is fading.

I know for a fact that religious families hold both son and daughter accountable for sex, and when either choose to break their virginity, they are upset. It has nothing to do with gender, and purity is something that is now expected on BOTH genders as far as religion is concerned. So I think that the old 'religion pushes purity on only daughters' is a little outdated. Sexism in society is something that is definitely improving, especially as far as religion is concerned.

Another factor is father vs mother. Mothers tend to be upset no matter if it's their son or daughter lose their virginity at a young age. Fathers however have this built in capacity to protect their daughters (including from sex). While on the other hand, they are still sexually driven (being men and all), which only adds to their support toward their sons being sexually active, calling them a 'man' when they finally do take that plunge. So I think a lot of this motivation to favor sons in being sexually active comes from the parents, and perhaps society as well.

Men will always be 'sexually driven'. And it's unfortunate that because of this feature, society excuses their sometimes promiscuous behavior. I would think that self control would be a more preached behavior in society rather than acting on this tendency. But unfortunately it is up to women to say 'no'. I think that is the ultimate lesson that young girls are taught by this double standard of son vs daughter. Women ultimately have the power when it comes to sex, and that 'power' can be taught at a young age by preaching virginity. I hate the double standard as much as any other girl out there, but it makes me feel a little better knowing that I'm in charge because of it.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2010):

Society says woman should be idols of perfection, and as such untouched. Society says that man should be at it all the time. I'm afraid it's just double standards. The good news is you don't ever have to tell your parents what you're upto sexually. It's none of their business.

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (5 March 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntLet me write here some historical reason here. But, Double standard,is partial truth and not full truth.

The reason for such difference is due to cultural ignorance. Once upon a time, in historical past, in some community there have been a culture dominated by the ideas, termed as EROTICISM, in such culture females are as free as male in sexual matter. Even married female is encourage to have sex with totally strangers. There have been a temple of god or goddess, where every female have to visit, and to have sex with first visitors. It was a custom. Guests of the family are entertained sexually by female members.

But, be remember that eroticism is totally different form of enjoying sex. It is not EJACULATORY. Male and female enjoy 'eroticism' without bothering the nature of relationship. Mind of husband and wife are totally free from jealousy.

But, with the influence of religious culture, sex became taboo. Virginity became absolute norms of purity for female. People forget erotic aspect of sex, and procreative aspect became all dominant.

Even today, those couple practicing eroticism, are free in sexual activity, and share spiritual aspect of sex freely, without damaging basic husband-wife relationship, and family responsibility.

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A female reader, ChristineAvril United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2010):

ChristineAvril agony auntDouble standards!

Always has been - it shows that the boy is now a "man", and the girl has let herself down. These views are, of course, out of date but they still persist here in the UK and it seems over there too.

Don't fret it, just get on with life as you see it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010):

Thats true but maybe because if anything happens like the girl becomes pregnant and the boy doesn't want anything to do with it, the girl is stuck with that for the rest of her life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010):

I wouldnt say parents are happy when their sons loose their virginity. I think both are sad times because it means they ant your baby anymore. (im a dad btw)

I think parents are upset, because they are scared you will get pregnant.

I agree that alot of negative nonsense is rammed into young girls by sex education and families. And its for that reason, i bet if you couldnt get pregnant they wouldnt bother you

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