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*heTruth7
writes: What to do about parents. They refuse to see who I am and constantly tell what I can and can't do. They won't listen to what I have to say, they think that they know everything and that they are always right. They treat me like an idiot especially in my relationship. My girlfriend and I have never done anything wrong. Of course this summer she is really the only one I have hung out with, but most of my friends are at work or with other friends. Perhaps they think we touch too much but a we love each other and we like to have physical connection with each other...if only to reassure each other that we are there. I mantain almost perfect grades. I have never had a B on a report card...ever. I am a leader in everything I do in school. I am in all the accelerated and advanced classes. I am respected by all of my friends and my friends can see that I possess the maturity of an adult and tell me so all the time. It seems like my parents are the only ones that can't see it. I feel so bad for putting my girlfriend through this and have talked to her about it, but she just keeps telling me she will wait for me...which only makes me love her more, feel worse, and hate my parents more. I don't know what they are afraid of. What they are putting me through is far more damaging than anything a relationship could do. They won't even let me get a job. I plan to move out as soon as I turn 18...even if I have no money...I would rather risk the streets than live in this house. Suggestions?
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reader, Amethyst  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 You seem like a mature, level-headed, great guy. Your parent's aren't giving you the independance and respect you deserve. By what you've said, you've never given them reason NOT to trust you, and you've done everything in life to please them. Now that you have a taste of happiness, your girlfriend, you want a little independance so as to spare her from the problems your parents are posing. Maybe it's not you, maybe they're unsure of trusting your girlfriend? How many times have you brought her around them?
A lot of parents sufficate their children, ESPECIALLY if you're an only child. That's a HUGE factor to parental over protection. But also, there are those parents who live their "perfect" lives through their children. But you say they treat you like an idiot? I wonder if they could honestly say they never made a B... ever? :) Curious.
You've shown your responsiblilty, you're a leader at everything you do at school, that's an accomplishment! They need to let go a little, and to trust you to make wise choices, and trust that you will take responsibility for any mistakes you may make in life, if any.
But honestly, it's sounding like your parents are of the controlling variety. They won't even let you get a job. What, do they just not want you to gain any form of independance? Or do they think you'd start failing at school or something? Honestly...
Your girlfriend is a jewel, make sure you tell her that. And don't be so rash!! But, once you're 18, they can't stop you from becoming independant. It's the law. But don't go throwing your life away just to get away. You need to sit down and calmly tell them that they're pushing you in the wrong direction, and that if they don't loosen the leash a bit it's going to drive you to acting rashly. If they love you, they should want the best for you.
If you went out on the streets, you'll never be able to take your girlfriend out on a date, or support her in any way in the future (say, you wanted to marry her? Would you REALLY want to share your nice little cardboard box with her? Or would you rather share a house?).
Good luck, and remember, stay calm!
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female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 I am the mother of three 'children' ages 25, 23 and 21. I believed in free choice for my children and never fussed if they were not on the latest reading book or didn't get good grades. I knew my children were 'clever' and they have all grown up OK. No trouble with police, pulling wings off ladybirds etc. BUT I DO WISH I had been more like your parents. Maybe not to such extreme, but they have created in you a competative spirit that my children lack. My eldest son acheived getting into 6th form on a breeze. No studying, just B's with no effort, but then that is when it fell apart. Trusting my children to make choices resulted in him going for A levels then a diploma and after 4 years came out with NOTHING. I congratulate you on having such motivated parents, perhaps a little controlling, but your time will come. My daughter's friend was in a similar position and once she went to University her life was her own. She still respects her parents, but almost overnight she went from little girl in pink, to confident woman with a night life!
Either way, keep your cool, show your maturity and reasoning power and start by compromising. Why not see if you can arrange a 'chat' with them where each of you have 10-15 minutes to put your views with no interuption. Tell them you love them (as you do really), but have they realised you need more space and CAN THEY suggest a compromise. At least you have a girlfriend. My mother knew a man who took his first girlfriend home at age 40 and his dad locked him out!
Good luck, you sound a great guy, just a little suffocated for now but it is only temporary.
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male
reader, unclerich +, writes (10 August 2006):
has ur parents ad a bad past?it could explain a lot.u need to sit them down and tell them that u need to get some indepence if oly its a saturday job.u have to make them realise that u need a life of your own and start standing up for yourself!ur parents might feel hurt at first but they love u!!
u dont want to risk living on the streets u'll end up wiv nothing TRUST ME
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