A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My cousins already have children and don't live at home. I'm a grown adult and my parents never want me to leave home until I'm married. I can't stand their outdated rules anymore. When my cousins were living at home, they were also allowed to have boyfriends and girlfriends sleep over. My parents don't let me do this, even though I'm a grown adult.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (26 May 2011):
Part of becomming an adult is learning how to have difficult conversations with your parents, and learning how to stay close to them whilst being true to yourself when they want you to be something else.
Don't blame your parents for the fact that you are choosing to live your life the way they want you to. They are entitled to their rules, and if you are choosing to live with them it may be a requirement that you respect some or all of those rules. However, living with them is a choice. You can also choose to move out, and make your own way in the world, and live by your own rules. You can still love them, you just don't have to live with them. They might disapprove, and that's ok too, they can be angry and upset with you and you can still love them. Its all part of growing up. They might say that they forbid you from moving out until you are married, but they can't control that, only you can. It is your choice.
A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 every parent only strives to do what is best for their child. it may be that they are overly strict but they believe they are helping you. You cannot base your family life with your cousins. If you are truly unhappy with how you are being treated you need to stand up for yourself. I can understand that they will not allow you to have a "friend" over for the night, especially for the era they grew up in, it is highly inappropriate. The best thing for you to do is decide to grow up. it seems like they are not neccesarily controlling you as you are allowing them to. as you keep stating, you are a grown adult, so why havnt you found a place to live? whether they like it or not, if you have a job and can afford to live on your own, or with a roommate, do it, dont ask their permission or wait for consent. Your parents are more comfortable with you at home because they know you are safe, out in the world they dont. You need to show them you are capable of fending for yourself. My suggestion is to first get a steady job ( if you dont already have one), start a private savings account that your parents do not have access to, and start a down payment fund. When you have a decent amount in there, find a place to move. do not ask them if you can move, announce it. No they will not be happy, maybe even angry for a while, but if you are ever going to cut the apron strings this is the best way to do it.
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