A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some help with my insecurity. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now and I am paranoid about him cheating on me. I have never caught him with another girl, the only things are making me paranoid is that a while back i did see an email to an ex but nothing in it contained anything like they were flirting or going to meet up or anything??? I am aware this is so stupid but I cant help being this way. If i dont change soon im going to push him away and then i will regret being so awful!He is a good lad and everyone can see it...its just me im horrible to him, im also jealous if he likes another woman (like a celebrity) which again i know is so stupid as everyone in the world cannot be attracted to JUST their partner?? I dont know what to do, it sjust everytime he goes somewhere I ring him all the time to check up and understandably he gets annoyed with me for doing this, i just dont know how to change!!!!!!We live about half hr away from each other and plus he is 28 and im 22 so its not an immature relationship we have just been away travelling together so both moved back home to try and save up some money!My insecurity and paranoia is ruining our relationship and i need to change!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Haha, girl- I used to be the same way! My boyfriend is such a great guy, and now that I think about it- I honestly..deeply can't imagine him cheating on me, like..I just can't picture it for some odd reason.something that helpped me alot, its..not that you don't trust him, but..its because you don't trust other girls. If your boyfriend and a really hott girl was stuck in an elevator, don't think of your boyfriend as the bad one (b/c..as you explained..hes the one who is good to you), but the girl in the elevator is the one you don't trust. As for the celebrities, i understand. My boyfriend LOVESSS drew barrymore, and has all of her movies, but..i hate to watch them (when..i used to love her movies before i started dating him). You just gotta realize, its nothing! He has no chance with a celebrity. But it must have alot to do with your insecuirty, and how you look. Maybe you feel like your not hott enough? Sexy enough? or cool enough than most girls? Well, if this awesome guy likes you and hasn't left you....obviously this guy thinks you are very sexy, very cool, and very hott. I had a friend who had a REALLYY sexy boyfriend, and he would hang out with girls all the time, and girls would stare at him all the time, and I asked her "don't you get pissed off?" and she said "No! I love it! B/c..i know my man is sexy, and guess what? hes allllll mine! So, they can look, whistle all they want..because at the end of the day...he'll be laying in bed with me." Shes right!
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (25 May 2011):
 HI
The important thing is , is that you recognise it's your paranoia, and jelousy that is causing problems, thats the start of getting this sorted. What you need to try first is, the next time he goes out, switch your phone off so your not tempted to phone him. If you dont think that will work give the phone to a family memember for a few hours. And go out yourself, wether to a freinds, or the pictures, you need to be kept accupied, stimulated. The more you do this, the easier it will get. Once you past that barrier, move onto the fact he looks at other women on tv. Instead of watching him watch tv seeing how he is looking, try to watch a whole movie together without looking at him not once. He will start to relax around you again, and not feel so edgey that your on his case. The poor man cant walk through life wearing blinkers!!! You know unless you do something about this, and now, he will get fed up and leave, and as you dont want that, you HAVE to try extra hard not to be this way.
xx
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