A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So we have this one friend fake named April She's usually shy and quite and real shy. Her parents are real strict like she can't have over nites and can't go to them. Her parents don't let her get a job or a license or eve walk to the corner store alone. Thay make her baby sit her little brothers and sisters for free but refuse to let her baby sit any one else or clean houses. Thay say she don't need $ and if youth group or soccer or volleyball trips take us to ice cream or McDonald April's parents pack her a lunch and make her sit by themI feel like April is missing out and I told her that and she said so too. That she was missing out. But I said it at lunch and three of her siblings pretend names May and June (identical twins girls) plus the little brother fake name July heard us. July is 9 and has a big mouth. April can't go anywhere unless one of her parents is there or if she brings her little sisters or brothers. There are three more after fake name July and they're all girls, the youngest is a BABY baby in a incubator coz she was only born at 30 weeks and needs a tube to breatheSo April's parents are always in the hospital so she's stuck babysitting. Our school is pretty k thru 12 so its big in that it has 1000 people but its not big. So we can't have class or lunch without someone listen and snitching. I have a brother and sister too but they're in college in Kentucky where everybody else went so thay can't but I mean I understand family I mean my brother and sister can't help but thay want to. I think April needs help since her parents are so strict so she can't LIVE HER LIFE. We are both 14 and I've always had a job at my dads lawn mower repair place running cash register and moving things around. So did my cousin Kaleigh and she has Downs Syndrome. She STILL runs cash register, everybody likes her and thay don't care she takes too long since she asks questions, always smiles and has NEVER made a cash mistake. One redneck tried to mess her over and got my dad and 2 co workers in his face. And he STILL got his a** beat.Anyway if Cousin Kaleigh can run cash with Down Syndrome AND I AM NOT BEING PREJUDICE bc I know there smart. Well. April can do that too. I know she can. But her parents won't let her. Thay won't let her work or know anything. Thay just make her babysit.But thay HAVE to trust her somehow since she is the ONLY sibling allowed to see the BABY baby in the hospital. April said she had to put on scrubs and gloves and a mask and it was scary and sad. The baby had five tubes but she was cute. She got to hold herSo if thay let her hold her why won't thay let her work?
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female
reader, AnnalisaV  +, writes (29 April 2017):
 Hi :)
I think it is great that April has such a caring friend in you, but she is 14, not an adult, so neither of you need to worry that she is missing out: she is protected, but will soon enough grow into an independent woman.
My father used to be like that with me and yes, it was frustrating, but you know, now that I have children of my own, I can tell you that being a parent is hard, there are no set rules and basically, we all do what feels right for us and for our sons/daughters.
Some parents are quite liberal, others not so much :)
The thing April needs to do, really, is to talk calmly with her parents, say what she would like to do and ask her parents for advice.
Showing maturity by communicating calmly and respectfully will go in her favour, but asking her parents about their thoughts and feelings will also help her to see their point of view and perhaps find a way to compromise.
Ultimately, it sounds like they're coping with a large family and some stress, so she's not 'missing out', but being part of a normal family.
You might both have to respect that parents might not be very wealthy, but at the same time wish to allow their children to be children and not have to work. After all, people have fought against child labour and some parents simply feel that sending a child to work for their pocket money is no better than that. It is one thing for you to help out at your family's business, but quite another for a 14 year old girl to expect to go into someone else's house to clean or babysit: anything can happen and there are laws about safety, insurance, etc. that you are both too young to get involved with.
The best you can do, as her friend, is actually to support her and enjoy your time together, rather than put her against her family.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 November 2016):
 THEY are her parents and YES, that means that until she is 18 they are not only responsible for her, her safety and her basic needs THEY are also responsible for HOW they choose to raise her.
THEY choose to raise her differently than YOU and most of her classmates are raised. YOU may not agree with that, but really... It's not YOUR choice. Not HER choice either.
YOU don't have to understand WHY THEY choose to raise her this way, same as I don't have to understand why they raise her this way.
Some people believes raising their kids strictly will HELP them in the future. Some people raise their kids to do whatever the kids wants, (ever heard of "free range kids"?) Some homeschool, some don't. Some have religion as a big part of their lives, some don't.
UNLESS there is ABUSE going on (and from you write there is none) the parents CAN choose HOW they want to raise their kids. You don't HAVE to agree.
Our former neighbors were "die-hard" Christians and didn't allow their kids to read a LOT of books like Harry Potter, watch Spongebob and other cartoons. They could watch religious programming and cartoons and that was it. They could listen to Christian music only.
While I personally find it ridiculous to limit yourself and your children to a tiny little bubble of society, THAT was their choice. Which meant when their kids were at out house there was no TV on and only classical music playing (can't go wrong with that).
THAT is how they chose to raise their kids. I chose a different way. NOT saying mine is "better" or her's was better... it was just different.
Maybe her folks can't afford to pay her or they feel it's a LESSON in itself to help raise her siblings. Their choice.
You will find out as you grow up that not everyone lives the same way. Not everyone WANTS to live like you do. Or like your friend does.
Accept April for who she is, not how you THINK she should be.
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