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I need to stop thinking about him and move on

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Question - (10 January 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2011)
A female United Kingdom, *obbyjo writes:

this sounds so silly but i cant stop thinking about a guy I had a one nite stand with on new years eve. I met him out in my town however he didnt live here. He was drop-dead gorgeous and we went back to mine and it was amazing. I have just come out of a rocky relationship so i wasnt looking for anything other than a fun night. The next day I dropped him off at the train station, we didnt exchange numbers or anything like that, now Im really gutted! I just cant stop thinking about him and how lovely the night was. Im thinking about searching for him and I have a number for his friend on my phone as he used my phone the next day to call him. But I think that would look desperate. How can I stop thinking about him and move on?

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2011):

kenny agony auntI think that you should just go for it and let the chips fall where they may. Don't worry about looking desperate, you really want to see him again, so make that call. If he is not interested then at least you can move on knowing that you tried. On the other hand he might be thinking of ways to get in touch with you, who knows, and he might be really made up to hear from you.

Good luck

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A female reader, amariane Canada +, writes (10 January 2011):

amariane agony auntIf you want to stop thinking about him you have to know what you want and what he wants. Maybe it is a burgeon of real emotion inside you wanting out. Maybe just because you feel lonely but it does not seem so. It seems more like you authentically liked him and that the encounter left a beautiful mark asking for renewal.

Personally i do not think it would look desperate to call his friend. You cannot quite move on without knowing what's going on and how it'd be to see him again. He might be thinking about you too. If you call, casually, just to say hi to his friend and to mention that you forgot to ask his number, the answer will tell you something and eventually you might get to see him again. And well if not, you'll know that he was not in for anything else. If you get through to him whether by phone or in person, be honest and explain that you were not trying anything either, but you found yourself thinking of him again. That you had a good time.

I do not advise for asking his mate's opinion directly. It's the guy's you like that matters. Friends sometimes have their own agendas, some like their friends single. I'm not insinuating it's the case here (not enough information) but i've seen that happen. One's single and fearing the other one will no longer be. You're lucky to have that number. So call, ask for his or leave yours, although his friend might or might not have kept the logs so he might already have it. You might ask for his email if phone is too personal.

How are you is a good start. So call the friend, ask for his contact info, keep it light and cheerful, good luck. You won't know until you do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011):

He knows where u live if he had been interested he would have stopped by.Also he had the whole evening u spent together to ask for your number. Even on the way to the station and when u said goodbye.This was not a mistake where he forgot to ask u for it he did no t want it. Also why would he want to call u when he already slept with u.

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A female reader, OliviaAna United States +, writes (10 January 2011):

OliviaAna agony auntLeave it alone. If he has even an ounce of feeling for you, let him come after you. He will find a way if he really wants to be with you. Don't set yourself up for disappointment if you find him and he doesn't feel the same...let him come to you!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (10 January 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntI actually think it would be a bad idea contacting his friend as you dont no his friend at all and it would look really random if you just texted or called him out of the blue. I accept that you are still thinking about him but the best way would be to try and maybe search for him another way instead of going through his friend. Why dont you try some social networking sight. Just type his name in and see what comes up.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011):

It isn't desperate to connect with someone, whether for sex or for love or for hope.

Connections are what they are.

All relationships are one night stands if they don't last more than the one night, all marriages are one night stands that didn't end.

Pick up the phone and call.

But, be prepared that he may not be what you thought he was that night, in many ways, particularly mentally and personally.

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A female reader, petina1 United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2011):

petina1 agony auntif you can get in touch with his friend, do a bit of delving. If you simply start trying to get straight to him, he may be in a relationship or something. At least by asking his mate he may let you know if it's a good idea or not to send a text, even just saying 'how are you'.

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