A
male
age
51-59,
*kosi
writes:Hi, can you please send me a scientific analyses why men are incline to cheat on their wives?I'm am a man of 41yrs of age and have been married for 10yrs.I neither drink nor smoke but i like the company of nice woman.even if i'm joking the girls are just falling for me.I believe that its natural and more than just discipline and morals, help me out here.My wife is very happy though she suspects that may be i'm up to someting nasty at times. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): In this case if its fun ,flirtatious and just in fun-it can be a boost to the male ego for him to be attracted to other woman. This in turn would make him feel better about himself. The better he feels about himself the more he has to give emotionally to HIS WIFE!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): i think it could be for natural biological reasons hormones and such
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 Depends on yours, or anyones definition of the word good hubby i guess. Good hubby and boys will be boys are contradictions to me so are hard pushed to look good in the same sentence imo hehe.
Interesting question and answers though.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Nkosi +, writes (16 October 2007):
Nkosi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm glad with the responses i got with my controversial question about men cheating.Some answers were well thought of but some were too emotional.I'm happily married and i'll keep my mrriage.Marriage is not about love only, its about commitment you make with your spouse.I'm a very happy man, highly educated and powerful but very humble,ladies find me very interesting.I rate myself s a good hubby but boys will be boys at the end.Cheers to you all
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): It's 100% human nature to cheat.
It's human nature to reproduce as often & effectively as possible. Staying loyal to a spouse produces higher-quality children in terms of emotional development. But cheating on a spouse helps produce more children in total even if the biological father is not there for the raising. Cheating is only a "problem" for nature when the spouse gets caught and it jeapardizes the emotional development of the kids because of the marital troubles. But if those issues aren't greater that the gains from another kid with a fertile/successful fling, then nature says go for it.
I think both men & women cheat about the same in total, but the reasoning can be a little different. Men are more likely to cheat because an easy physical fling becomes available w/o consequences. (Read: the chick looks hot (fertile) and the odds of getting caught are small.) Women are a little more likely to cheat when they find a male with higher status/physical attractiveness and they feel an emotional connection (read: the male has a good game and she's open to the idea of getting with him at some level.)
Men often justify cheating with: "I didn't mean to. She meant nothing to me, but it just happened." Their internal reasoning is saying "She's not coming between me & my wife, so what's the harm?" That's evolution at work.
Women often justify cheating with: "I didn't mean to. But I felt emotionally close to him, and then it just happened." Their internal reasoning is saying "I feel a connection with him, so that justifies it more." (The "connection" has a hell of a way of coinciding with higher-status and physically attractive males.) That's evolution at work too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): From my own experience I cheated purely out of revenge for my wife cheating on me. There is no doubt either sex will cheat if that person is neglected or has low self esteam. The best thing a victim of cheating can do is end that relationship fast. I have only stayed in my marriage for my kids. I have no more love for this woman who lied cheated and treated me like I was garbage, so I couldn't care if she finds out. What comes around goes around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): I know I'm late in the game here, but maybe those 60% of men who cheat are cheating on their wives with SINGLE women...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): women are just as likely as men to cheat in my experience... I have, in fact seen MUCH more women go outside their marriages and relationships for sexual satisfaction than I have men! I'd say for every guy I've known who has cheated, I have known 3 or 4 women who have cheated. It's not all husbands who are doing this, women are JUST as capable of it. Women have strong sexual urges as well and if they aren't being met, they will go out of the relationship. Pay more attention to your wife, she might end up doing the same to you if you don't give her attention she needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): No, Baby Duck, there can't be that many men who are that way inclined - I reckon it could be far simpler than that - it's more likely that 30% of women simply don't admit it!
Phil
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Men are not inclined to cheat. They are inclined to want more sex then most women want to give. There must be many cheating women too, one for each guy I assume.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): I have no secientific analysis. Nice that the girls are falling for you...but you know, full well, that you can control where your mind goes, can't you. You ask specifically why a man is inclined to do this. First of all, not all men have this inclination. But when a man does, he is weakened by desire and his subconscious sexual need can/will make a sexual opportunity seem too good to pass up. So I do need to say it's simply a character problem or glitch in that man. And *sigh*, only in hindsight do many men realize the cost of what they have done, when they lose their families. There are women who do the same. But..the statistics are lower for females. Why? When women are tempted to cheat..we tend to weigh the consequences a bit more carefully. So basically, men who cheat, don't think with their brain. They do it for excitement, sexual orgasms, ego stroking and a whole host of other self-involved reasons. As said before, not all men do this. I personally know many wonderfully committed men who are in happy, long term marriages and are very content to be loyal, loving and true to 'one' woman. There are wonderful marriages out there do last a lifetime. So I often wonder why 'some' people undermine the meaningfulness of marriage by thinking in the same way that you are talking about. Perhaps you should think about enjoying the company of your wonderfully, happy wife rather than all these other women?? I don't know-that's not a new concept, dear. Try it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): That's an interesting extract from i village, hlskitten, but it confuses me. Or maybe it doesn't. Then again, perhaps it does.
If 60% of men cheat, and 30% of women cheat, who do the men cheat with? I suppose the obvious answer is that the 30% of women who cheat, cheat twice as often as the men.
Or am I perhaps missing something??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Well it looks like you are searching for a "scientific" excuse to give your wife for your infidelity. There may be studies that show that men cheat more than women, but it's still not a valid excuse (if it were pure science, more than just 60% of men would cheat- what about the 40 who remain faithful? Scientific anomalies?). If you are in a relationship where monogamy is valued, demanded or expected, then it is your responsibility to maintain it. Regardless of "biological" or other scientific impulses or inclinations. If you cannot sustain this level of monogamy, then you should seek a partner who is fine with a non-monogamous relationship. There are women out there who are perfectly comfortable letting their men sleep around (of course, the women would be sleeping around as well to be fair). I would say that 85% of the men that I know closely (both married, single and involved in serious long term relationships) have never cheated on their SOs. Those that have, ended up ultimately ending the relationship with that SO because it just wasn't a good fit- which is why they were seeking sexual/romantic attention outside their primary relationship. I personally have never cheated, I always end the relationships before it gets to that point. Cheating is not a sign of marital satisfaction. Come clean to your wife and let her decide if your belief systems are compatible.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Some people would say it goes back to your caveman roots, and the need to 'spread your seed' and populate the earth. Some believe it's simply another test of our character because life is full of temptations and God judges how we handle each and every curve ball that is thrown at us. You said you like the attention of other women, but you never mentioned if all this attention eventually gets you into trouble. Your wife thinks so. But that could be related to the fact that you're a little too friendly with other women, it's like playing with fire. Men who tend to be flirtateous, and overly friendly with the opposite sex, are usually accused of being unfaithful by their mates. It's because you're sending out the wrong signals to the women you are entertaining with your wildly interesting stories and jokes. It tells them you're not happy with the woman you married, and given the right circumstance, you might take it further. I don't think there is a scientific analysis for your behavior because not all men cheat. It's a weakness in some. So if you're happily married, perhaps you should act like it more often and then your wife won't be suspicious and you can sleep at night with a clear conscience. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): a lot of women believe that men rarely think with the right head. both men and women have equal sex drives so they are just as likely to stray as men. women however are the ones whoes hormones can change at the drop of a dime changing their drives. if anything in a marriage or relationship changes there is always going to be that wonder if the man is going to step outside his relationship. ever wonder why there are female decoys out there and not really male decoys to catch cheating. ever wonder why there are more female strippers and prostitutes, why its usually men who have porn addictions or some sort of strange fetishes involving women or parts, or ever wonder why most sexual assults/rapes have women as victims. its all the hype on how much men love wome. u are right about discipline and morals. i as a women love the attention of another man and im married. lets u know ive still got it. but nothing happens and i always make it known im married. really in the end its all the above metioned that makes women insecure about their partners, more so when there are problems in a relationship
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (11 October 2007):
Hi
Extracted from i village...
They have wandering eyes. They're obsessed with Page 3. They come home from one-too-many late nights at the 'office' with lipstick on their collars. To whatever degree, men do cheat and they do it more than women. In the original Kinsey Report, published more than 50 years ago, approximately 60 per cent of men, compared to 30 per cent of women, were unfaithful to their spouses before the age of 40. Those numbers have remained much the same in subsequent studies.
'Women need a reason to have an affair, men just need a place'
'Sometimes the thought of divorcing and changing everyone's lives is much too hard to handle. So the easier choice is an affair. I don't think it's the right choice, but most people will take the easier road, thinking no one will be hurt because they are keeping the marriage and family intact.
Its the thrill of the chase. Men find that more appealing than women. I for one dont particularly like the start of a new relationship, i prefer it once i got to know them better.
And it boosts mens egos, boosts some womens too i dont doubt though!
C xxxxx
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