A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't like going to my friend's parties anymore. Seems like everyone is married and here comes me the single girl who is being hated on. I am pretty and I do look my best anytime I go out. I don't like the grin and the mean mugging I get from these girls. Also If I am to continue to attend these parties, how do I wave off their men from flirting with me. It is indeed honest flirting. Like I get along with guys a lot so they come to me when I am around but their women are not cool with these. I use to not care because I feel like it is their man's responsibility to make them feel secure not me. But now I think I see where they are coming from. But should I be rude to these guys because I sense that they are attracted to me. None of them have ever crossed the line before but I just feel like I am entering a den of wolves everytime I walk into a party without a date. I do have a boyfriend but it is long distance. SOme of the girls know of my status and some don't because when he here to visit me, we are always doing things by ourselves. Well it doesnt really matter anymore because We just broke up so it makes things complicated now. I feel like I have to not tell them of my current status because if word gets out there that I am single again things might get worse.WHy are married women feeling these way about single women? I wonder If I will feel like this when I am married. I can see if I have a reputation of a man snatcher or whorish behavior. But I have no such qualities and no record of such behavior. Makes me wanna have a man I can take to these parties and flaunt around. Im done
View related questions:
broke up, flirt, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI heard what all have said.I normally hang with my sister who is also single but the men don't approach her at these parties. We always get the look when we arrive at the party. DOn't get me wrong, I still have single friends and hang out for singles only parties but this particular girl is my homegirle for life. I am the only one she has not cut off from the circle because I got her back and she knows I will never go there with any married man. SOme of these men do bring their single guy friends but I think even when the single man is talking to me they still have something to say.I do not wear inappropriate clothing at all but I think my hair and makeup always stand out and I have always been like this. Mind you, I knew half of these women when they were single so its not as if they don't know me. They just feel like they are on another level better than me.Honestly, I cant wait to settle down and I really dont want to be in their circle either. I just will be there to support my friend wven when Im married.And yes, I do put a stop to these men when they approach me. I feel like I gotta tippy toe and watch everything I say. I knew some of these men before they got married too. So I think we all should be cool. Some of these women have also let themselves go after one child. How could they? I know its hard and its easier for me to say but if your man likes you dolled up then try to do it for him so he is not looking at the happy go lucky single pretty lady across the room.I am looking for a man so I have to look my best every time I go out. I dont believe I need to undermine my looks because I am going into a party filled with couples. They need to check their men.I have another party in the next two weeks. I will try to wear a long shirt that covers my rump and leggins and pumps to see if the reaction will still be the same.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): yeah it's always interesting when you're the only single woman in your group of friends and everyone else is married. Then either they are always being all smug and condescending toward you, or they're feeling threatened by you.you're right it's not your job to keep things cool between these men and their wives. It's not your responsibility if they get into a fight at home because the man was flirting with you. That's their own responsibility. if their men can't stop flirting, it's his own fault and her own fault too (her fault for marrying a guy who still wants to flirt around after being married!).I say you shouldn't have to be rude to these men or fend them off. Treat them as you would any other person. If they want to hang onto your every word or follow you around, let them, it's their business.
...............................
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 I get where you're at as I've been on my own for a couple of years and remember when I was married it was pretty strictly friends with other marrieds. I think it was the wifes rules. now I am single it is pretty much friends with singles with a few exceptions. there are clubs and stuff for singles to get involved in activities but you have to be wary because you'll find that most of the people in these organisations are permanently single. that may be a good or bad thing. but its good not to be the black sheep and just part of the crowd.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Do you have any guy friends? You could ask one to go with you next time. I know the last place I would want to be is a party full of couples when I was the only single person there. You don't have to be in a relationship to just bring a date with you. But since you are now truly single, if I were you, I'd be going to parties where the fishing is better anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Hi
You must do something to their men or the men comment about you to their wives.
I would stop going to these parties and form new friendships with single people , get out and network , there are alot of others without partners .Saves all this trouble and has to be more exciting than mingling with couples and married men . The wives will question why you go to the parties I bet .
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Maybe they find strange that a pretty single girl would even bother to attend parties where everybody else is married. They may think you have an hidden agenda. Which I am sure it's not your case at all, but from their perspective is a logical, not particularly paranoid thought. Getting all dressed up to the nines for going there to flirt with unimpressive married guys as the only single girl must be beyond boring. You may have to do it out of social obligation, or out of courtesy, or you just like innocently the attention and being fussed over without any questionable intent,..but how would they know that ?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): I was that single women at many parties for a while after I was divorced as well, and I do know what you mean for a variety of reasons...however, you are projecting yourself in such way that you are making the wives/girlfriends of these men uncomfortable and you know it. There is nothing wrong with being social and talking with everyone, but if you are so aware that these men are flirting with you, knock it down a notch and do not send out that fibe to them...at some level I think you are enjoying the attention, but at the expense of your girlfriends.
You don't know what they are going through in their relationships (nor are you responsible for their problems or happiness), you should be mature enough to have a adult conversation with both the men and women that does not involve flirting....there is no reason for the flirting and you can send a message to the guys by immediately shooting down what they say when it starts.
When you say you are pretty and you look your best when you go out...are you dressed appropriately or are you dressed like you are looking for action with not much left to the imagination with a whole lot revealed? If you are standing out in the crowd based on your attire, well, you get what you get.... again, you know it.
...............................
|
