A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really have the hots for this guy that works at my place of business but he is married well actually the both of us are really feeling each other.I know this is wrong but why does this happen to me? it's seems like I attract men that are taken and it shouldn't be that way.What are these guy seeing in me that makes them want to cheat with me? I don't throw advances to them. I want it to stay on a friendship level not fwb-sexual contact I will not destroy his home before I do that I will stop associating with him period.
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female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (21 December 2012):
 Not sure what messages you may or may not be subconsciously sending, but I have similar experiences with married and single men. My experiences have taught me that men like who they like whether you are into them or not. Being married doesn't seem to discourage most married men these days, (if it ever did). I would suggest appearing less friendly or accessible. This has worked for me with all but one man. Unless they are as crazy as he is, they will get the message if you ignore them a few times or smile less often and seem too preoccupied to chat. I will be checking for updates to see how things work for you. As for those pheromones, my girlfriend thinks I have that problem too. We seem to be around the same age. We may be releasing this hormone due to our stage of life. :-) Hope you find a solution!
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (21 December 2012):
There has to be something in your body language and personality: lots of eye contact*, lots of smiling*, engaging others in conversation*, being genuinely outgoing and welcoming of others, how you dress and carry yourself, and/or an air of genuine self-confidence about you.*
If you touch people when talking to them or get into their personal space in a completely non threatening manner this can also cause someone of the opposite sex to think you are interested in them.
*starred items are more likely to lead someone of the opposite sex to believe you fancy them.
You could also just be a great person and fun to be around. You could also have a sensual or even sexy voice that men just respond to. My fiance has a voice that women respond to. I have him schedule our doctor appointments now because the female receptionist somehow finds appointments 2-3 weeks earlier than were available 10 minutes prior when I called. I have bad allergies and often sound 'whiny' and sickly over the phone. He sounds masculine, jovial, and intelligent...of course she wants to actually help him find something to fit our schedule.
Finally, on a biological level if you recently stopped using a hormonal contraceptive it is possible that you are producing pheromones and the men have subconsciously noticed. Similarly, if you stopped smoking, changed your diet, started wearing a new fragrance, using new bath or shower products, and/or new skin care, makeup, or beauty products they may be responding to the positive effect it has had on their perception of your health and wellbeing. Again, this is on a subconscious level...they perceive you to be a suitable mate.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 December 2012):
 Because you are interested in him. When people are smitten they often subconsciously send signals that others pick up on. What you view as looking, he sees as lingering, etc... You're not just a married man magnet, you are interested in a married man and he is returning your interest.
If you don't want to be the other woman you need to give each other space and separate yourselves. Even if you want to be friends, he doesn't and so that ship has sailed unfortunately.
Just give him space and the feeling will dissipate. If you find yourself frequently the "target" of married men, it's likely the same situation and you should try to figure out what it is about married guys that is so attractive to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 December 2012):
 YOU have the hots for him... he picked up on that and is feeding off of it. you don't have to offer sex or make a pass they will sense it... like an animal on the hunt can sense fear and use it to their advantage....
you say why does this happen to me... like it happens all the time... how many times have married men gone after you?
Maybe it's best not to be friends with married men. do you communicate with him outside of work?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 December 2012):
 You are discovering that women (you're one of them) can exude an "aura" of availability and interest......
I imagine that the only way you can avoid the plight that you describe is to be uber-cool to those guys who seem to express interest in you.... and ESPECIALLY those who you know - or learn - are attached.....
Good luck....
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