A
male
age
30-35,
*azzedUp
writes:My girlfriend has recently started talking to another guy she goes to school with frequently and I'm beginning to question the truth behind their friendship. She says that he is merely her best guy friend since her and I don't go to the same school, but I've been told by many people that he likes her. He hasn't tried to separate her from me yet but I fear it is coming. He has already asked her who she is going to prom with and rather than say she is going with me like her and i discussed, she told him she didn't know who she is going with. Also, he's called her several times while we're hanging out watching movies and she stays on the phone with him for the entire time we're together talking about things they both like and taking turns asking each other questions (very similar to the way her and I got to know each other when we first started dating) and she never does tell him that she's with me. If she does stop talking to him to ask me something and he asks who she's talking to she says anyone but me. It's like she wants him to think that her and I never are together. The one time that she did admit to being with me at the mall, he told her he would talk to her later since she was with me but she begged him to stay on the phone. I just don't know what to do. I love her so much and she still promises me everyday that she loves me and that she wants to marry me still as I've already asked. I know I may be worrying for nothing, I just feel like I hardly exist anymore and I don't want to simply be erased. I love her more than anything in this world, and if this other guy makes her happier than I do I will go because all I want is her happiness. I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? Someone please help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): Mate, end it before she does so that you have some dignity left. Don't let her be the one to end it and think "What a gullible fool, he didn't see me coming or going".
Trust us, this girl is bad news. She's disrespectful and couldn't care less about guys feelings including yours.
She's a user, don't let yourself be used.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012):
My advice if you where my son, (my son 19teen btw) would be to start distancing yourself... She is not just a liar but she insults you, right in your face by telling her supposedly male friend that she is not with you, when clearly she is... Why don't you say anything when she does this or laugh and say yeah right I'm whomever it is she says you are..
You need to start sticking up for yourself, yes I know you love her and I wouldn't want to undermine how it is you feel.. But honey she is using you.. How would you feel is some guy treated your mum like this
Would you be happy ? He'll no.. You would tell your mum leave his sorry ass, and honey I'm sorry to say but that's what you need to do..
If she has any feelings she will come running back to you begging forgiveness if she does love you.. And you can both start again on an even keel .. If she doesn't come around in a day or two then you move on with your life.
You sound like a good lad who deserves a sweet girl .. Don't let her mar your perception of the female race.. Because if you allow her to continue the way she is doing, you will..
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2012):
 You are totally right to be concerned. NOT because she has a male friend but for other reasons.
1. You are no longer her priority he is.
2. She’s LYING to HIM about who she is with. This means she can and probably LIES to you about other things. People are not selective liars. IF you can and do lie to one person you can and will lie to another.
Stop asking for reassurances. Stop rowing the relationship boat. Stop asking her for anything. In fact, stop calling and contacting her… see what happens.,… and if you don’t’ hear from her for a few days… WHEN she does call… time to end it.
It will hurt and you will cry and you may hope she comes back or begs you not to end it... but that's just so she feels safe...
Personally I think that you have the right based on her behavior with him to tell her that she has to make a choice ME OR HIM. This is not in general for all relationships but specific to this one due to her disrespecting you by being on the phone with him all the time when with you, and LYING to him about being with YOU.
The one caveat is, she may pick YOU and then keep him a secret from you so if she does this , then ask to see her phone etc... and if she balks, you know she's LYING.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): My apologies for the Typo, "M" I'm using my mobile phone at the minute lol.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): In my opinion, you are NOT worrying over nothing.
-She seems more interested in him than you.
-She has more time for him than you.
-She pretends to him that you don't exist.
-She even compromises yours and her personal time together just to chat with this guy.
What could possibly be SO interesting about this guy that she'd rather chat to him than spend quality time with you (her boyfriend)?
Why would she have to lie to him about your existence?
Why does she have to lie to you about what's REALLY going on between them both? Because something clearly is.
Look at it this way my friend, if she lies about Myou to another guy, its DEFINITELY NOT all an innocent friendship as she's trying to make out to you.
I bet any money on it that she's planning to hook up with this guy anyway, but rather than be the one to up and leave you, she's waiting to wind you up to the point where you'll just get pissed off and tell her you can't handle it no more and its over! That gives her a guilt free ticket to run to him, because YOU were the one who ended it, not HER (Your choice not hers).
I had a similar experience with a girl earlier this year, its too long to go into, but I will say I think a broken heart is just around the corner for you. The signs are blatantly obvious, and I was right when I had a gut instinct it would happen to me.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (30 November 2012):
 You see the same pattern of behavior between him and her, that existed between you and her, when your relationship was in the "new" stage. Trust your feelings on this one,
I think you have reason to be concerned.
It isn't appropriate for her to be on the phone with another guy while you and her are supposed to be spending time together. How would she feel if the situation were reversed, and you were spending all your time on the phone with another girl, while out with her?
If she can't tell this guy that she is with you, when she is talking to him on the phone, it makes me wonder what she has told him about yours and her relationship. Could it be that she has told him that the two of you are just friends?
It's time you have a stern talk with her, and tell her exactly how this is making you feel. If she wants to be with this other guy, there isn't anything you can really do about it - but she needs to admit it, and stop stringing you along. And if you are the one she really wants to be with, then she needs to stop stringing this other guy along.
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