A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago, my girlfriend split with me because she was going to university far from me. And now, I keep envisioning her making out and having Sex with other guys. I am the only guy she has ever slept with, as she's never been in a long term relationship until ours which lasted two years. She is the only girl I have ever been with, and now she isn't with me, and I keep thinking about her doing acts she did with me, with other guys. It's causing a lot of pain to think that maybe she's already moved on, and has started doing sexual things, whenever I haven't since our break up, and see's no time in the near future where I will.Please help me. I'm tormented by visions of my ex kissing and having Sex with others guys... It's been months now... Why am I thinking about this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Hm...same problem here...i mean exactly the same problem, same sort of relation, but in my case we just broke up on kinda very bad terms. It's been 2 months since the break up and i also started having those kind of thoughts. But in my case i'm sure she's doing those things. You asked why...i think i figured it out and i don't think the answer to the why question will help at all. Anywho i belive all these thoughts reside within your ego and those teritory needs males have in general. Why do i say ego? well you want to be the best in her mind and you don't want any other guy being better than you in bed with her or whatever. Why do i say teritory...well, practically she was yours, she was your teritory and now someother guy is invading it. The real question is what to do not why, cuz i'm sure my explanations above did not help at all! Those visions you have...force your self to make them go away, because they are simply not worth it. You had fun with her and that's all that matters, now she's on her own living her life, you should do the same thing. It's not your problem what she thinks of you when she compares you with other men. You are now both on different roads and your ego is the last thing you should listen to right now. As for the teritorry bit, well, we're not cavemen no more, but if we were, well news flash for you: she's not your teritory anymore so why care so much? Just accept things the way they are and move on! I told you i had a similar experience, and being passive and thinking of silly things is the last thing you should do! I preffered taking matters into my own hands and dealing with my problems confrunting them directly, accepting things the way they are and moving on!
Just feel good and have fun with your new life!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Hm...same problem here...i mean exactly the same problem, same sort of relation, but in my case we just broke up on kinda very bad terms. It's been 2 months since the break up and i also started having those kind of thoughts. But in my case i'm sure she's doing those things. You asked why...i think i figured it out and i don't think the answer to the why question will help at all. Anywho i belive all these thoughts reside within your ego and those teritory needs males have in general. Why do i say ego? well you want to be the best in her mind and you don't want any other guy being better than you in bed with her or whatever. Why do i say teritory...well, practically she was yours, she was your teritory and now someother guy is invading it. The real question is what to do not why, cuz i'm sure my explanations above did not help at all! Those visions you have...force your self to make them go away, because they are simply not worth it. You had fun with her and that's all that matters, now she's on her own living her life, you should do the same thing. It's not your problem what she thinks of you when she compares you with other men. You are now both on different roads and your ego is the last thing you should listen to right now. As for the teritorry bit, well, we're not cavemen no more, but if we were, well news flash for you: she's not your teritory anymore so why care so much? Just accept things the way they are and move on! I told you i had a similar experience, and being passive and thinking of silly things is the last thing you should do! I preffered taking matters into my own hands and dealing with my problems confrunting them directly, accepting things the way they are and moving on! Just feel good and have fun with your new life!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): If you "think" she's already moved on, then she probably has. Girls get pursued by males. Guys have to do the pursuing if they wanna get female attention.
I'm not saying you should go out & sleep with a gardening tool right off, but you need to move on. You staying inside every friday & saturday night won't keep her from getting involved with other guys several hundred miles away. And when you eventually find out for sure that she's "moved on," then you'll just be kicking yourself for standing around denying the present while hoping to hold onto a past that's already gone.
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A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (29 October 2007):
 It is a healing process, and as she was your first it will be the hardest, so you can find some consolation in the fact that it will get easier in future.She will always have a place in your heart, unfortunately there's no escaping that. I don't believe the way to go forward is to blot her out so to speak, but to embrace the good memories.Whenever you feel some negativity seeping in, then divert your thoughts to a happy memeory, and use that method to work your way through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's so good to hear that this is a normal thing. I just wish it didn'tcause me as much torment as it does. I'm sure I will soon be able to set this asside. This will probably be easier once I have a new girl of my own, but for now, I will have to try and keep my mind occupied whenever I start picturing her with a new guy.So, a lot of/all of you have experienced this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): This actually is perfectly normal. Everytime you think of her then try your best to blot things out. Picture them doing anything but being with someone else. As soon as these images come into your head then try and keep yourself busy. I used to put my favourite music on or pick up an interesting book, ring a friend, but dont dwell on it. It happens to us all but we all have different ways of dealing with it.take carexx
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (29 October 2007):
I understand what you feel.It just goes to show that you still care about her alot and still want her back.There only 2 options here.Either you go after her and convince her to get back with you.I can promise you she's not forgotten about you especially that you were her 1st.Make her see things your way.Or you bear the pain and move on.You have no idea what lies ahead of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Don't panic this is normal you are hurting over the split, your ex will eventually find someone else and have sex with them there is nothing you can do about that, but you need to get on with your life and have some fun stop looking back at things put her to the back of your mind why should you care who she is with you can be happy on your own! & i know you think you will never love another but you will & you will find a new g/f, the healing process takes time after a split try thinking of the happy times instead of what she could be upto.
Good luck with it all x
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