A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:right i have recently split up with my alcoholic boyfriend as he smashed my mums windows again and has gone to jail. this is the second time he has been to jail for this crime against me,the thing is he doesnt actually know we are finished because i got back with him last time and actually moved in together but living with him was awful as he is very jealous and i couldn't say anything without him pulling me up for it especially when he was drunk. this guy promised me he was going to stop and he never and when he did drink he got worse and worse every time,i hate myself because i was aware of his problem when i met him and everyone warned me to stay away,i hate him for smashing my mums windows and my mum is scared to death of him coming back out and doing it again but i just cant stop missing him and i dont understand why. He faces so many problems when he comes out as the house that we lived in was trashed by him and the landlord is looking for him,i just dont know how to move on from this but i know i cant go back to him as he scares me,he is totally out of control when on his binges,im dreading him coming out of jail and not being able to accept its over but at the same time missing him am i mad? He has recently been violent too which is why i chose to leave him but i never did get a chance to tell him this personally plus he used to ask me nearly everyday if i was ever gonna leave him no matter what which i thought it was a lot to ask of someone and i used to say no of course i wont leave you,why do you think he asked me questions like that? is it because he knew he was going to be horrible to me or because he wondered why i stayed in the relationship because of the way he treated me? i am going mad here with worry and everyday i wait for a letter but inside i know i dont want a letter from him because it will just make me want to contact him.i think he may have conditions not to contact me and that is why im not getting anything but i know this wont stop him when he gets out and gets drunk and probs come out and smash the windows again! what the hell do i do?
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alcoholic, drunk, jealous, move on, moved in, split up, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Staying Strong  +, writes (24 August 2010):
Hello,
I know how you feel, but you have to stay strong and stay away..Think about you and only you. It is his problem to own and his alone. I miss my alocholic everytime I throw him out, I just had to again Friday. There is not a minutes that goes by that I don't think about him and still love him. His sickness became my sickness and i had to save myself, I can honestily say I think I was sicker than him and that is saying alot. He drank every second that he was awake, he can really chug those beers, he worked hard 5 days a week and paid bills and was very giving with his money, but he would get drunk, say rude mean weird off the wall things and put everybody down, he stayed up all night drinking his beer, smelling up the house, runing my couch, I got a new one and there he was on it, new bedding with unwashable pillows laying on them and greasing them all up, he was a chef and didn't shower when he came home, didn't want to go anywhere, or do anything, just watched tv drank beer and slept, and he liked the lights off too. What a way to live, I just couldn't do it any longer after off and on for seven years. I feel better and more alive but I miss and love him so much and I know I always will, if you read on line about the disease it really does help, and when you miss him so much to where you think your gonna go crazy, write the pros and cons down and focus on the cons, they so over weigh the pros. Take a deep breath and know he loves you, but he is sick and can't help it but sometimes love just isn't enough and you have to look out for number one which is YOU!!! Take care, chin up, keep yourself busy and I promise it will get better :0)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering my questions! I am feeling better about it now ive realised whether i love him or not he has gone too far and i know i deserve better thanks again x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 January 2010):
Well you're in love with him, not his behaviour. That's why you still love him. However, it is his behaviour that says it all. Though you are still in love with him, focus on the fact that he is just about the ultimate nightmare for any woman, and never speak to him again. No matter what. Work through how you feel, work on your damaged esteem and you'll find someone else.
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