A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone! I'm not entirely sure of my question yet, it'll probably come to me as I explain my situation though. Bare with me, please.Anyways, this entire ordeal began about three years ago, summer time. I had made a friend at school, and we'd become closer and closer throughout the year, to the point where we didn't know what our relationship was. I invited her over for one of our monthly sleep-over things that we do, and everything was going fine. We were snuggled up on the couch in my living room, watching Sweeney Todd, (mind you, I'd been thinking about my relationship with her since we'd gotten close.) when suddenly, she and I were kissing. It just...happened. We didn't really know what to make of it, but we knew later on that we had feelings for each other.Keeping in mind that neither of our parents knew about us, we kept having our sleep-over things, just watching movies and kissing/making out. Nothing too huge. She and I texted on a daily basis then, so when something weird was going on, I usually could tell because of how frequently we talked. She slowly stopped talking to me, both out of anger (there'd been a bit of a spar between me and another friend of hers, she sided with that friend over me) and, as I learned later, that she didn't want to be in a relationship with me, because it was too confusing. I said alright, and we went our separate ways for about two years.This past summer, I get a text from her, out of the blue saying that she was sorry, and she wanted to be friends again. I obliged, because I'd forgiven her long ago. We came back together full force, and we did so much more, went so much farther, and I was so sure of this; that I know I was in love with her. I know you'll probably laugh if I say that, but I know what it was. True love, to me at least, is when you want to put your other half before yourself, when you want to shout it from the rooftops and not give a crap who hears that you love them. That's what it felt like, to me at least. Some weeks later, however, I got a text from her telling me that she wanted to break up with me again, because I wasn't right. I wasn't the right one for her. From that point on, until about now (yes, pathetic, its been six months now), I've been in a really bad rut. I've developed bouts of serious depression, which get worse if I don't try to rid myself of the feelings, and that entire first week when I received the news, I did nothing but cry; I didn't even have the decency to excuse myself from class. I know, I sound so pathetic right now, right?One more bit; just today, she, I, and another friend slept over at her house. We took to her room, slept there, blah blah blah. Nothing really happened over night. When I woke up, I looked up to her (we'd slept next to each other), and saw that she'd been watching me sleep. I smiled, and just snuggled next to her. The weird thing though, our faces progressively got closer. I thought we were going to kiss, but I wasn't going to make any moves because I wanted to withhold myself from her for her. I knew she would've broken my heart again if we'd acted on the close proximity.I guess, now, my question(s) are why did she break up with me? Was it out of fear? Why am I still feeling the way I am for her? Does she feel the same way for me? I don't understand this situation at all, if someone could please bring some clarity to this, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you to whoever replies.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): Hi, I agree with the previous answer, your "friend" wasn't on the same page as you were. She seemed to be into experimenting. Now, the mistake was to not pick up earlier when she "dumped" you that this might lead nowhere. Before all that, she may have been confused, scared, and then desire taking over decided to "try out", I think you are more ready than she is for a quality relationship where you share feelings and physical intimacy. But, things have happened and now you need to work on taking care of yourself, getting better whether it is talking to someone (a counsellor) about how you feel, and try to do enjoyable things. I'd suggest that given that the relationship didn't lead anywhere you stop all contact with her. You will have a hard time getting over the failed relationship if you remain friends with her. But the decision is yours, that is just my opinion. Good luck, things will improve. :)
A
female
reader, lover06 +, writes (7 February 2012):
wow feel sorry for you. love does make you do weird things, but what is happening with you is not right. As you said you are sure about what you want, and want to go for it. It seems she is NOT where you are emotionally. As you said both your parents dont know. May be she is sarced. She does love you .Is she in love with you? only she can tell you that. So I say you have to be the grown up one and set the lines stright. You are still young you'll find someone who will not only love you, but treat you right as well. So go ahead and talk to her openly . Good luck and take care.
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