A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone About two years ago I used to hang out with a group of girls that weren't that great - they were gossip fueled - vain - and all they cared about is showing off and getting married. For two years I fell into that hole - I started going out non stop - posting on social media and in a way we started competing with each other - it's crazy how I hung out with these girls because I know that they didn't want the best for me. Anyways through therapy and a family member interfering I stopped talking to them because my actions were slowly becoming like them - having a one night stand being overly vain - posting on social media that I was happy- when reality heck I was miserable. It's been a year and a half since I spoke to them and both of them got married - one met a guy and he proposed writhin the same year to her and the other one - just got engaged and blasted it on social media- my question is - why am I still jealous? Like why do I think oh they got the guy now I need to too? I still have them on social media and I see them posting non stop - ? Why can't I understand some of it might be fake? This is embarrassing since I'm 30 and I should know better - why do I feel left behind - I'm like why can't I get a guy? Are they even that happy?- does anyone suffer from this delusion?
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male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 you have been falling into the trap of believing what you see on things like facebook. The crap you read there about people has nothing to do with them.The ones that say their life is bright and everything is going for them are trying to prove to themselvies that that they are not as bad as they realy feel.Best thing to do is shut down all your accounts and start going out to places.Be open to meeting others and stay away from these small minded people who are bad for you
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 Well, can't you simply disconnect from social media, if it bothers you so much ? Close your Facebok account ...and enjoy all the leisure time which Facebook currently ties up for you, and which is probably more than you have realized, by flling it with more intelligent activities ?
I don't even mean forever- Facebook is not the devil, after all - but for a while, until you have regained some mental composure , got yourself sorted out and have rearranged your priorities, as in : not making marriage your one and only and most desirable goal in life- which btw was already becoming an old fashioned notion .. in Jane Austen's times !
I understand that it may be difficult, because Facebook can be addictive for some people. Well, ..not everything is easy in life, and some times, when you decide to regain control over your life, you 've also got to decide to do difficult stuff and bear the discomfort / unpleasant sensations that your choice will entail. Ask any ex smoker : quitting smoking is very tough. Horrible ! and yet, tons of people chose to , or had to, quit smoking at some point. If they can quit cigarettes, you can quit social media !
Anyway- don't be so gullible. Facebook is a representataion of life, not real nitty- gritty daily life. It's like a store window : it only displays the best , most attractive goods. Which does not mean that the store ONLY contains first rate, fabulous goods.
It's not even that people blatantly LIE ( .. some do,of course ). It's simply that anybody, I guess, would choose to mention the luxury Caribbean cruise they just booked - but NOT the terrible anal itching that their hemorroids are causing them. But everybody's life is complex, and imperfect , made both of luxury cruises AND uncomfortable anal itching.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): Social media is a platform for pretense, boasting, creating illusions of happiness and success; and for taunting people. Aside from keeping in-touch; and finding long-lost friends or relatives. Or, it can be abused to publicly humiliate and destroy people.
Did you stop to read the description of those women in your post, before you hit the send button? Well read it again!
Profiles and social media commentary are just like advertisements and commercials. They're bigger than real-life, mostly fiction, and intended to make gullible or less-fortunate insecure-people jealous or needy. These people have to publicize their make-believe lives; because they're not as happy as their false-representations. They need attention.
You need to unsubscribe for the sake of your mental-health.
Go underground and have a complete media-blackout. Disappear!
Social media and apps are designed to be psychologically additive; by appealing to human vanity and our propensity for materialism. It's a chance to strut your stuff on videos, make yourself look like you live a carefree-life; but anyone with a brain (or who really knows you) knows it's nothing but showing-off and blatant exhibitionism.
If their fiance's did a background-check, or looked through their phone histories; they might not be engaged for too long. The more you advertise and expose your life on social media; the more you set yourself up for public-scrutiny and judgement. Enemies have a way to out your sins, and potential-employers get an inside-look at your life-style and with whom you associate. People discover your true nature is nothing like your online-creation. As those guys will find-out about your friends! Odd they're all getting engaged so quickly and in a cluster???
Aside from texting, phones are also for making "calls!" You can send emails from your PC, laptop, or tablet; and you can knock on a door, and make personal-visits. You don't have to be a slave to your devices and always place your life on public display. You can also sit-down with a pen and paper, and actually write a letter to friends and family. Now is a good opportunity to hone your social-skills! Practice more personal-interactions, which will also be a doorway to finding a good man.
Thinking like you're thinking now, you aren't really ready to find a good man. Not if you're pessimistic, negative, and insecure. No good man deserves a woman like that! He deserves no less than what he has to offer. Not be absorbed like a liquid into a sponge by some needy-female. Your friends are accepting the first random proposal they can get; just to publicize it for all to see! Seems they haven't changed!
Get a grip, girlfriend! You're no longer a teenager. You've wasted a lot of time and money on therapy. Pity, if you should relapse now!
Part of the karma for boasting and showing-off; is an enhanced propensity towards being overly-competitive and envious of others. Your awareness of your shortcomings and imperfections is more pronounced. You have to constantly keep track of everybody else; so you won't feel inferior, disconnected, or left-out. Notice the odd complex you've developed and you're now struggling with?
Nothing is more pathetic than being starved for "likes" and hits from total strangers and fake-friends. A total imaginary-world with no real merit to anyone; accept those who make a living at that sh*t! That's now so overrun with crazy people; literally killing themselves to gain notoriety and 15-minutes of fame. Give yourself a break!
Guess where your anxiety comes from? It's a side-effect; and a warning to shut-it-off, and take a long break. You'll squirm through the withdrawal from device-addiction; but with time, the jerks and muscle-spasms will subside. Your mind will find peace, and you'll focus on your own life; and not be so caught-up in what's happening to other people.
Jealousy is a weakness and shows a lack of thankfulness for your own blessings received. It says all the good things you have are unappreciated, and that steals all your joy. You lose your inner-peace; because you want what you think others have that you don't. Then suddenly your own blessings will dry-up. You won't even notice them anymore. You become totally obsessed over other people and what they have! It's self-consuming and miserable!
Your time will come when it comes. You'll get what you deserve when you deserve it. Not one minute sooner. That's the way destiny works.
So take time to get your sh*t together. Clear your brain, and shake your social media addiction.
What others have that you don't, isn't any of your business. It's depressing you, feeding on that negative-energy. You'll find yourself dismissing everything good happening to you. Downplaying all the blessings you already have, until you don't realize just how blessed you really are. Your life is always being compared to others; like the before (you) and the after (them) pictures.
You can't find a guy, because your heart isn't right yet. You just want a guy, because you envy the other girls. Not because you're filled with joy, peace, kindness, and generosity. Envy is poison, and it kills all those attributes within you. The other women may have a man, but from what you described about them; those guys have made some bad choices. As they'll soon discover, no doubt.
They're nothing but a bunch of costly elaborate weddings that have no real meaning. Just for the sake of a dress, flowers, and an empty-ceremony that will end in divorce anyway. Like playing princess! Appreciate your freedom and independence, and find real-love.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 Very few people air their dirty laundry in public - when it comes to their relationships, at least. That's why everything looks like others have it better.
Get someone to change your password and not tell you it for two months. If you can't stay away on your own, ask someone else to help.
If you're not happy single, you'll be too desperate and dependent on a relationship, which will cause you to either sabotage them or end up with dodgy guys.
Reinvent parts of your life you're unhappy with, but still stay true to who you are - just polish them up!
Volunteer with vulnerable people or animals and being yourself back to the reality that most people need help from time to time. Make your time useful to aid someone/something through a charity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017): Just delete all contacts they are not your friends anymore.... social media most things are blow out of proportion. .. some people make out a chicken dinner is the best thing ever yet it's just a chicken dinner haha....I don't understand the need for it myself ... if things hurt you delete delete delete
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (12 June 2017):
 What makes you think that getting a guy is equal to winning? By the way, you should also keep something else in mind.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I don't think this needs any elaboration, does it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017): I agree with Honeypie. Take a long break. Social media is addictive and it's meant to be that way by the tech industry.
Facebook, in particular, is where people can put on a happy facade. They can make it seem as if everything is going fine in their lives when in truth that may or may not be the case. An example of that is a close friend of mine. To look at her facebook page one would think all is normal. She has told me her husband has been having a long term affair and she no longer loves him. They stay together for the kids.
I was on facebook for about three weeks before I deleted my account. After you take a break, you may decide to do the same.
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A
male
reader, judgedick +, writes (12 June 2017):
Forums and social media can be like a drug , you need to get your fix every chance you get , the first thing you do when you get up is go on or every free moment you get , if you can't live with out it for a day your on the social media drug, I think the best thing for you then if this is the case is to shut down your account ,it will be like given up a drug , but after a week you will start to feel better and after 4/6 weeks you will ask what you ever wasted your time on , I think it takes a week to shut down a facebook account , block all emails from your social media as they need you as you are their harvest , you can then take up a sport or go to the gym or even that thing you have being putting off because you never had the time before , as you will find you have more time
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2017):
 Take a break from social media?
Have a friend/family member change your Password and NOT give it to you for 30-60 days.
I quit Facebook a few years ago because I was so tired of other people's drama ending up in MY face. Especially family drama with my husband's side of the family, it was toxic. I haven't been on since NOR do I care to.
The people I like to keep in contact with I text, e-mail, call, write letters (yeah the paper and stamp kind) etc. I keep in touch but all the drama that is STILL going on, I'm blissfully UNAWARE off. (unless my gossipy husband feels a need to share the juicy details....)
Give YOURSELF a break.
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