A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why am I always drawn to taboo, inappropriate or wrong kind of relationship??Ok here is a little detail about myself. I grew up a bit of a wallflower - no confidence at school, never pushy or good with hair and makeup and so was always the last at school to get a boyfriend. Fast forward a few years where I have left school, still not dating but am drawn to a guy who I get involved with who I later find out was in prison for a violent crime, he truly loved me and would do anything for me, but I couldn't bare being with such a person - so I quickly move on to another guy - a player - who is great at getting me paying for his things and giving him money but shows me no love or affection and had an ex he kept returning to. So again I get the hell out. I hasten to add that in the years in between I am quite happy being single but now again - I get a job in a college for a bit and have fallen for a former ex student - only 18 and who is way too young for me, but I am somehow drawn to him, although we have both now left, so probably won't see each other again.So my question is WHY? Why am I only drawn into these inappropriate, wrong relationships?? I have never been the sort to go out and wine and dine or meet a fella in that way. So am I just destined for a future full of the wrong type of guy??
View related questions:
confidence, in jail, money, move on, player, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 May 2019):
 You just seem to subconsciously prefer men where the relationships couldn’t go anywhere. The number of “normal” guys you’ve liked will dilute the frequency of how often you prefer men like that. As long as you use good judgement and acknowledge, but don’t pursue attraction to guys like these, there’s no issue.
Some people like “bad” guys/girls, but make the smart decision to accept, but not act on that attraction. Some people have a history of abusive partners, learn to recognise the signs and avoid it in future.
You can do the same.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): Wow - thank you for the 3 replies here - I am the original poster. Plexi, Code Warrior and WiseOwlE - all are very accurate responses & have elements of truth concerning me. I have never considered myself a risk taker - but I guess I must be where relationships are concerned. It's also true that I may be shy of serious relationships and go for ones that are destined to implode.
Maybe one day I will develop some self belief and confidence and find a 'normal' relationship...maybe who knows ??
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): Typo Correction:
"Your past does not necessarily determine or predict your future."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): You know yourself, therefore you know the answer to your own question. You like drama.
You are drawn to connections that bear an element of self-destruction, or require taking a risk. It has to give your emotional-connection with men intrigue; and the possibility something will, and can, go wrong. Not so much forbidden, just full of risk.
You like toying with danger, have a taste for bad-boys; and tempting the hand of fate.
Putting it bluntly, it's self-destructive behavior; and it comes from not believing love is real. You resent the fact it has evaded you so long. It's not true, but when you give-up on love; your mind will tell you all sorts of lies.
You've given-up believing it will ever come your way; so you settle for rejects. I would venture to speculate that deep-down; you don't feel you deserve real-love. You described yourself in such unkind terms; that you feel flawed, and only worthy of men who can't demand much of you.
You've chosen relationships that have ticking time-bombs that are set to go-off and implode. You can predict the outcome, and even predetermine how things should go until they do.
If it's already messed-up from the start; you don't have to take the blame for being the reason. You can blame it all on him (men) and be a victim of circumstance!
Once you've convinced yourself you deserve better, that you are worthy of love; and that your flaws don't define you as a person. You'll snap out of it, and reboot your mindset.
Just reading your post, anyone can tell your are an honest and straightforward kind of person. You past does not necessarily determine or predict your future. The time in-between your past and future is where we make changes in ourselves and make better choices that will change and/or reset the path to your destiny.
...............................
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (8 May 2019):
 Is it possible that it's because you are addicted to the excitement of( forbidden or uncertain relationships) and get bored fast around normal, nice guys?
OR
You don't value yourself enough to believe that a normal guy would want to be with you so you settle for these weirdos?
OR BOTH.....
...............................
|
