A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello - just wanted to know whether we are being selfish. I have a child who is 2 and 2 stepchildren who are gorgeous. My husband had to go to court to see the children and we have a very unreasonable ex. The children aren’t allowed to see any of her family and at any given point she just loves the drama. My SC were not allowed to come to our wedding, even tho we got bridesmaids dresses and took them after for lunch where we got married - they have also missed important family gatherings. They absolutely adore their new sister. A few weeks ago Mum had a disagreement with my SC and told my husband to fetch them so they could live with us - we agreed, but the kids never turned up. She had changed her mind, but told the kids we didn’t want them. This is where I want to know whether we are being selfish - we take theSC every year on holiday to the same place in the Uk. We have also booked a huge holiday for us all next year abroad but Mum is being awkward saying they can’t go. They go abroad 4/5 times a year and we decided to take our little one away, just the three of us but organising it so my husband doesn’t loose his contact time. Bio Mum has now told the SC that we don’t love them, we didn’t want them on holiday etc. They are 11 and 16 by the way. I don’t want to have a lifetime of never going abroad wth my child because we don’t take the SC (even though we would love too). The 11 year old is very impressionable and really does take on board what Mum says. Any advice welcomed.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 May 2019):
 OK This NEEDS to be handled by your husband AND a solicitor. YOU need to STAY out of it (at least from what the mother can see/hear).
If she doesn't KEEP the visitations and make ridiculous "rules" for what they can participate in, YOUR HUSBAND needs to take her to court. I think the ONLY thing that will work is "playing hardball" with her and USE the law.
Now you say that SHE tells the step-kiddos things... HOW do you know this?
Do the kids talk to you about that? IF so, you have EVERY opportunity to tell them it isn't true but it HAS to be done in a manner where SHE isn't made out to be the bad guy (even if she is acting like one). And perhaps.. your HUSBAND (their father) needs to be the one talking to them about this.
It's OK for you and your husband and baby to go on a vacation WITHOUT the step kids. Especially, if the mother makes taking them impossible.
But I really think your husband needs to contact his solicitor and MAKE her abide by SET visitation schedules and arrangements. If there is an agreement SHE needs to follow it. If there isn't a GOOD one, IT needs to be made.
Start with that, see where it can take you.
I know it's frustrating to have to deal with this drama and it SUCKS to see someone HURT her own kids for the sake of spite and drama but TRUST me when I say, they kids AREN'T stupid and they WILL at some point have had enough of this. SHE is shooting herself in the foot and doesn't even notice it.
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