A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a male friend with whom I am close. As part of my work, I see him now and again (he is a sommelier) and I go to his house sometimes and make dinner. I stay over and I share his bed (no sex) and he kisses me goodbye on the lips. I am falling in love with him. We have plans to work together on some projects. The trouble is, if I don't make contact, he never invites me to anything. I found out that he had had barbecues at his place, (he has a big house) and I wasn't invited to any of the barbecues. None of the people he invited were in his life last year. Last year he was in a bad way, suffering from his divorce and loss of his children. I was there supporting him, all thought the year and over the Christmas period. This year he seems to have forgotten all that and when I hear that he had invited people at his place and not me, I felt hurt. I want to talk to him about it, but I want to do it in a way that won't sound nagging, whining or hurt. I would like to do it in a way that makes him think about it, perhaps in a light hearted fashion. Can any of you help with advice? He hates to be criticized.
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female
reader, epifanatical  +, writes (2 September 2008):
 you'll never know until you ASK!! .. you say you have been supporting him during the rough patch.. and it sounds as if you are really good mates.. so where is the fear coming from?.. do you guys have open communication?.. also does he know that you know he has had BBQ parties? if he does.. then he should be the one to tell you the reason.. if on the other hand you found out and he doesnt know you know.. you can always bring it up in a non threating way.. like you know... subtly ask how was his weekend?.. and what he got up to?.. also.. you two maybe close but that doesnt mean he doesnt have a seperate life away from you.. just as you have your own friends.. so does he..
it sounds to be this is moving at an uneven pace.. you want more than what he is ready for.. otherwise if it was mutual he prolly would have invited you along.. give him time.. a divorce is a very painful event in most peoples lives.. he needs to fully recover.. and it seems his way of doing so is having friends around him.. dont be bitter about it.. let him do it in his own sweet time..
you can still be there as a friend as you have been.. but dont put the pressure on.. when he is ready he will let you know.. i wish you all the best sweetee :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Just because he hates being criticised doesn't mean that he's immune from criticism! I suspect the light-hearted approach might not work too well because if he can't see that you'd be upset at not being invited to these occasions he must be very thick-skinned and insensitive.
However, if I were you I'd ask him why you weren't invited. Maybe he has his reasons. Perhaps his guests were professional acquaintances with unbounded knowledge of fine food and wines and he felt you might have been out of your depth in any conversation. Maybe he wants to keep you as his little secret but only he knows the real answer, so ask him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): this may be hard to hear but hes trying to start a new life and may be one of those people who likes to keep their friends separate...some people are like that, me included.
however, you could try suggesting that you want to meet his new friends
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