A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex have talked for months before we actually went out. She used to say things like, "no we'll never go out because i only see you as a friend." Except one day this girl made my ex jealous, and my ex ended up telling me that she really did like me. She'd lie to me about liking me because she was afraid she'd get hurt if we went out. So we ended up going out for a month until she broke up with me because she only wants to be my best friend. The thing is, i still love her a lot. Our friendship is complicated. She still says things like how she loves me and misses me at times, we also hook up sometimes. Sometimes i feel like she still likes me but is just scared to really tell me. She wants to hang out with me a lot. I'm really confused on how she sees me as. i think that shes only doing this bestfriend thing to keep me around without having to go out with me. Idk if she still loves me or not. She says im like her big brother, but i detect some flirting, and i know shes flirting cause shes my ex, i would know. how does she see me as? and should i try to get her back? or are we done?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 September 2008):
 It sounds like she does like you, but just not quite enough. She certainly has you dancing to her tune; she wants to be your best friend, and sometimes more, but only when SHE wants it. Does 'hooking up' mean sexual activity? If it does, then it sounds like she's keeping you around until someone better comes along.
You both might still be too young for full commitment, but I think you deserve to have a girlfriend you can actually call 'girlfriend.'
All you can do is try to talk with her about this, to see if you can get her to discuss her actions vs. her words. She says one thing, 'friends only' but the actions don't seem congruent with that, if you're hooking up and she knows you really want to be with her.
Personally, I would decide exactly how much of this treatment I could tolerate, let her know, in a very nice way, of course, and then stick to my decision, whatever that may be. I would probably leave her in the 'friends only' category myself, and find other girls to date and possibly another girlfriend, one that would be proud to have you as an official boyfriend. (That's all if I were a boy, which I'm not, but you get the idea.)
So I guess I'm saying, yes, you could try to get her back, have a discussion about where the relationship is, but then if you weren't happy with the arrangement she seems to have decided on, I would move on.
Good luck!
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