A
female
age
30-35,
*overycomplicated
writes:Hi guys, straight to the point. I've been with my bf for nearly three years now. The relationship in whole has been a pretty good one, no real complaints. Then about 2 months ago a new girl started with him in work, he said he didnt really speak to her but for about a week he was really miserable, i found out that he was speaking to her a lot on a social networking site, and he said there was nothing to worry about. But obviously i was worried so i logged onto his account and read his private messages. There were none off her (deleted?) but there was one off his friend, and his friend Jason* said "have you managed to shake off the new girl in work yet?" and he said "no, thats why i seem a bit down lately" so i confronted him and he said he didnt mean about her ect. I didnt beleive him but i let it go. Then a few days later he breaks up with me out of the blue. A week goes by and we still talk and see eachother and i keep asking him if we can get back together, then he tells me 2 days after he breaks up with me he went out clubbing with his friends and the new girl was there and he kissed her. It broke my heart and i didnt speak to him for a few days, but i was so desperate to get back with him i told him i'd forgive him and we got back together under the condition that he'd never speak to her outside of work again. But a few times we've been out, she's tried to ring him (he doesnt answer) and i was looking for a song to dowloand on his phone the other day and a text popped up from her saying "okay i'll be waiting x", he denies any knowledge of what she means so i asked him to text her back asking her what, but he refused completely. Maybe he's worried that her reply will reveal something?I want to be with him because i love him and he's a big part of my life, but at the end of the day, no matter what anyone says, he cheated on me. We may not have been together but to me, it's cheating. And i cant stop thinking about it, 24/7. I keep checking her profile on the social network site to see if her updates reveal anything. I suppose I'm waiting for something to happen that WILL reveal something. I can't keep living like this because him and her kissing is all i can picture all the time and I dont know if i should be in a relationship like that? It's always me making the effort when it should be him begging for my fogivness right? I really need some advise :( thanks x
View related questions:
cheated on me, clubbing, get back together, got back together, kissing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 He's not begging for forgiveness because he doesn't care. HE is the one who dumped you to be with the new girl. He didn't even want to get back in a relationship with you. You were the one, who was begging him to come back, saying that you'd forgive him. Why do you think he would stop talking to her, or making an effort to make things better with you if that was never his intention? "Hey, I screwed up and dumped her, but she's desperate enough to want me back. I bet I can have sex with her and get with the other girl too" is probably what he is thinking. If you crawl back to a man that has cheated and dumped you, he will never treat you well because he sees you as weak and willing to put up with poor treatment. You need to leave before he humiliates and upsets you any further.
A
male
reader, Snowy74 +, writes (4 December 2011):
some harsh comments but well meaning for you above me there..
i feel for you. i know it sucks. i have an opinion that he didnt cheat to kiss her wile u were split. but i agree that emotionally he was with her on somelevel before the split.
bottom line : if the guy doesnt realize what he could loose by being a ...whatever...then rethink him.
give him no / limited contact for 3 weeks. see if he comes back with changes. but otherwise u really do deserve more.
you have a loving heart. but dont allow the emotional turmoil you are experiencing as u undergoe withdrawls - to affect your ability to rationally see your better than this.
you dont miss the way hes treating you now. you miss the great memories before. they are different. and your in the NOW moment. focus on accepting that reality. and work towards changes and emotional balance that will pave the way for your own FUTURE MOMENTS and ull be ok, i promise
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): He has to work 30x harder to gain back trust. Most people are just not willing to do so. Especially the selfish and morally bankrupt individuals like your EX BF.
You are not able to forgive let alone trust him. The damge is done.
Unfortunately that is how it all pans out when someone we love and trust betrays our love, trust and disrespect us. He knew what he was doing and even tried to hide it.
Give him up.
You deserve someone who will love and honour you because as Uncle Cerberus states: A Man In Love has No Eyes for another let alone cannot be easily swayed, tempted away from the woman that holds his heart.
It gets better with time Babes.
*hugs*
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): If you're here hoping someone can give you some piece of magic advice that will mean you can get him back and you will live happily ever after, then you're going to be very disappointed.
It's over, he cheated on before he even broke up with you OP. He's been emotionally cheating on you with this girl for over 2 months.
Face it OP, if you were the one for him would he ever have eyes for anyone else let alone actually have very strong feelings for her? The simple answer is no.
Sorry to say it OP but if a person you're with for 3 years can fall in love with another girl then you're not the girl for him.
Put your feelings and wishes aside for a minute and think about this practically. Think about this logically OP. Is this relationship actually workable after all this? If he can so easily (after 2 months of knowing a girl) can fall in love with her while he's with you then what does that tell you?
It means you're not the one he's in love with and you can't change that OP. This relationship is doomed and you know it, now you can fight for him, try and change him but how long until another girl comes alog that he decides he wants more than you? Because that will happen and you know it.
Time to cut your losses and move on or you can drag this our for a long time, battle become jaded and still end up losing because you simply can't win. You can't just turn off your love him can you? Well in the same way he just can't turn on his love for you.
You're not the one for him.
...............................
|
