A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm clingy. If I have seen my boyfriend for a few days/nights in a row I get upset when I don't see him the next day. I'm so clingy and I get really upset. Why am I so dependant. I also go the other way as well, if he hasn't slept over for a few nights, I dislike him in my bed when he stays next. Is it insecurity? Why do I get so used to him being there. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all xxx the advice really helped, perhaps i do have a fear of abandonment. I know why, so i might get a self help book on it or something lol. Thanks xxx I rated you all excellent because the advice was.
A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (16 March 2007):
 this truly is something you have to work on.im in my forties and still occasionally feel the way you do.how was your family life?because i find these abandonment fears have alot to do with what we see whilst growing up.you say your fine for a few days then one day without him and your off again.this is exactly how ive felt.then you get used to doing what you want and take your fears out on him just as chachacha says.its a kind off subconscious thing.you almost feel like a child.my advice which i try and practice as often as ican is that i go out for the day,visit family or friends,go shopping etc.make tasks for yourself to do.even going for long walks seems to calm me down.too much time on your hands can be a bad thing and make you think too much.i know exactly where you are coming from so i wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (15 March 2007):
 I agree with chachacha, I think you have low self esteem (worth); it would be great for you to build your confidence levels up. Also, like cha says, you`re still young! There is plenty of time for you to "find yourself", (I know it`s easy for us "oldies" to say!), but please believe me; we`ve all been through everything that life can throw at us, and.. we`re still here to tell the story! Kind Regards, Heather.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (15 March 2007):
Well it sounds like you have fears of being abandoned - that is to say, when your boyfriend is out of sight, you feel panicky, as if you will lose him.
When you haven't seen him for a while, you begin to create an independence for yourself, one in which you are confident and capable, and when he reappears your previous fears of being abandoned resurface and as they start to make you feel uncomfortable, you initially resent him, which is why you dislike him in your bed.
It's great that you are noticing this now, while you are still young, as you can start to work on it! If you can afford it, see if you can get some counselling to work out why you are so afraid of being abandoned. Read some books about it.
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